Dallon's Surf Report

Ranting and Raving.

2012-01-20T16:28:00.000-08:00

Is there, anywhere in this grand wide world, one single shopping cart with four good wheels on it?! Seriously! I've never used one. Even when I try to find a good one that actually travels in a straight line when pushed my efforts are thwarted and I end up just using four of the baskets instead. It's a great bicep workout carrying in my hands 50 pounds of cold cereal and tv dinners but come on! Can't someone build a decent rolling shopping kart?

Who the heck invented a snooze button? What a horrible thing. Oh hey wake up! But wait, maybe if you hit this button time while magically stop whilst you go back to sleep until you are sufficiently rested for the day. Nope...BEEEEP BEEEEP BEEEEEP! You just barely fell back asleep well now wake up because guess what you're late now and have to eat breakfast in your car which of course you will spill all over yourself and look like a fool for the rest of the day and now since you have food all over yourself you're not going to get that client, or date, or promotion which of course will lead your life down a path of stubbed toes, bird poop, and stepping on gum that runs parallel to the cushy awesome path your life would have taken if SNOOZE buttons didn't exist.

Why hasn't anyone invented a sarcasm font for keyboards and cell phones? Can I do it? If I create a font will you all unanimously accept it as the worldwide written media for when I email you that of course I will come over and help clean up the surprises your new puppy has left all over the yard, or agreeing with you when you tell me that Ashley is way prettier than Jessica and no way should the bachelor pick Rebecca because she just wants him for his money and Ashley's intentions are pure, or when I text you about how excited I am to go see Twilight with you and every roommate you've had over the past 8 years! Because that would be great, this font is going to save my life someday. For now...sarcasm will begin and end with this symbol ♣. (alt. 5 on keypad)

I may be doing something wrong here, but...NOT ONE of my kisses began with Kay...

I truly love America. There is a guy out there that drives a big truck that comes to my house once a week and with this wicked awesome garbage arm of doom swiftly whisks away all the rubbish that I have accumulated and magically makes it disappear to some far off fantasy land. Seriously, how great is that? The garbage man and his truck are what make America so great. But...do you really have to do it at 6 in the morning!? That thing is LOUD!

Soap dispensers. Awesome. Gone are the gooped up soap dishes and bars of soap with all sorts of strange hairy objects stuck to them. So nice. But are they? If I put soap on my toothbrush in an early morning stupor one more time, I'm getting a bar for the bathroom sink! And I don't care whose short and curlys are stuck to it!

Halloween is awesome, A time for make believe, fun parties and so much candy you might as well just drill a hole in your tooth and fill it with a cavity beforehand. But nowadays....congratulations, you are the holiday with the most alcohol related deaths. Boo. Children of the world, I think you should occupy Halloween and reclaim your Holiday!

I love the law enforcement officers of the world. I don't think they are all out to make our lives miserable like some do. I am so grateful they stop dangerous, speeding motorists and are always there if I need assistance. ♣And I am thankful for alcohol♣, for always being there to make sure the law enforcement agencies of world don't ever go out of business! Ugh, how can being drunk be fun...I don't get it. But for real, thanks for stopping scary speeding drivers and going to my nieces house when she is practicing calling 911.

Facebook is an awesome tool for several applications, like: keeping in touch with old friends who may live far away, , , , well ok just one really. Remember when we humans didn't base our personal worth and self esteem on comments, messages, and...likes? Ever seen the movie Wall-E? Perfect prediction of social interaction of the future. ♣Way to go facebook!♣

Can someone explain 3D movies to me? Isn't the REAL world in 3D? Couldn't I just go play catch with a ball or frisbee if I want to know what it's like to see things flying through the air at me? I'll save my ten bucks and watch the old school 2D thanks.

If I start a petition to ban Old Navy commercials, will anyone sign it? Please.

I recently watched Puss In Boots, and thus, I will now be speaking like Antonio Banderez...forever. Ladies, you may now fall in love with me...

Dear Sportscenter, Poker is NOT a sport. Ugh.

In an episode of Friends that I recently watched. 29 year old Ross Geller refused a glass of chocolate milk. When Joey asked him why he didn't want it, Ross replied sarcastically, "Because I'm 29!" As a 29 year old, I am VOWING to always love chocolate milk! Stupid Ross.

Do all you people that got maced, mauled, frozen, and trampled on black Friday know that you can use a computer to buy all those things right from your own room at ANY time of day and have a nice man bring them right to your house for you! It's called the internet! Google it. I just feel it's my duty to save you from such useless agony. Your welcome.

Feel free to add your rantings and ravings in the comment section!

2011 Year in Review.

2012-01-08T13:09:00.000-08:00

Quite literally, I could copy and paste my review from last year, and make very few changes. Actually, that's the case for the last three years now. Like before, I started this year living in Canyon Rim at the base of Parleys Canyon and working at The Canyons. Except now it's just called Canyons. I did earn my PSIA level 2 certification which means I've officially gone from deadbeat ski bum to semi-legitimate ski industry professional. Mostly though, it's a big pay raise and I ski more and teach less. I was able to ski Jackson Hole which was a long time coming and totally worth it, I fully plan on returning this year. I met a lot of new friends this year. Which is exciting but also strange to me since I've pretty much had the same group of friends since 9th grade. Those friends are still around, they just have a hard time finding babysitters so they can come play with me! I made it to Moab twice where I took a group down the river and made the mistake of riding a $5k demo mountain bike and now my own bike feels like an antique tinker toy. I've never charged so hard, it was incredible. Porcupine Rim trail at an average speed of 31mph! At the end of the ski season I once again moved to Maui. But not before finally making it to Havasupai. After 4 previous failed attempts, Reed, Derrek, Sterling and I drove down, hiked in, swam around, and hiked out. It was a 2011 highlight for sure. Before arriving in Maui I spent a few weeks on the Big Island with my parents. That was a great time. I was able to swim with dolphins again and went scuba diving at night with giant manta rays. Epic! Maui this year was mostly work and less play. Although the summer swells were ridiculously legendary. I was on my shortboard most of the time compared to usually longboarding most of the time. So the surfing was better than ever. And in all honestly, working out there pretty much is playing. My job hit rock bottom twice though when we lost a coworker then a few months later a passenger. It is a small consolation to know Tyler and Mr. Miner both left doing something they loved so much. I did have more shark encounters than usual which is always exciting, and Josh and Audrey finally made it out to visit us. We did a lot of surfing, scuba diving, hiking, spear fishing, snorkeling and all the other stuff people do in Maui. It was a good time. Reed got married in 2011 which pretty much means I win the bet we made as seniors in high school. No one else had me picked to be the lone man standing. Couldn't be more pleased with his choice in wife though. I've come full circle again and made it back to the snowless, inverted air, dreary Utah. It's always good to be back on the mountain though, even if there is NO snow. Can't deny that even though I missed Utah all summer, I can't stop thinking about and missing Maui right now. I have two new nephews this year, bringing the total to 18. My sister is still trying to get me on the Bachelor. Implying of course, that I still am one. That really is about it for the year. I'm hoping and planning that New Zealand, Bali, and Thailand will be in 2012. As well as a small business license, a head coaching gig, and a few more PSIA certs under my belt. Mostly this year is a big blank page. My plans for the future are more vague now I think than they ever have been. Which is a little unsettling, but also a bit exciting as well. I have some plans and goals that I am excited about and this year has the potential to be much different than the last three have been. Here we go!

The New Years Kiss.

2012-01-03T18:09:00.000-08:00

For the next several weeks we will all be scribbling out the 11 at the end of 20 and re-writing a 12 every time we write the day down, so even though it is just another day, it is kind of a special day. It is the first day of the last year of the existence of us all. Unless of course...the Mayans couldn't find a round rock big enough and simply ran out of room when they got to the year 2012. So even if this isn't the beginning of the end, it is the day when we all look for a new beginning, a fresh start, and hope that things will be a bit better than the last year. We make resolutions, and we make resolutions to keep our resolutions. We remember the things that have happened and look forward to the things that will happen. It is...the first day after last year, The New Year!

Personally, I don't get too caught up in the day other than a fun excuse to get together with family and friends and pretend to be cultured by drinking sparkling apple juice out of plastic wine glasses and watching washed up reality stars and bad lip synching on TV. Speaking of lips, there is always that hope of a new years kiss as well! I actually read on the news that dating website memberships increase dramatically this time of year. No one wants to start out the new year alone! I don't blame them. So, let me divulge some wisdom from my "new years for dummies" autobiography. Because apparently I fancy myself as some sort of kissing jedi master, as this is the second time I've written about the topic.

If you are planning a new years kiss at the stroke of midnight there are some things to remember. First, make sure he/she is interested. The very first new years I had as a member of the motor vehicle operators club (I was 16) I was with a girl whom I thought I was dating. Thought being a key word. A problem I still have to this day actually. But come on, we held hands at the lights on Temple Square! Anyway, I was planning on sealing the deal for the first time with my lady at the stroke of midnight on new years eve. This was going to be a first kiss for her, for me with her, and my first new years smooch. So it was a pretty big deal! I couldn't think of a better time. At the party, my pits ran like a leaky faucet I was so nervous. I never let her get too far away, I had to be sure we were close when the countdown began. Like a hawk I circled the party with giddy anticipation of the kiss to come. The strangeness of her obvious attempts at avoidance had yet to compute in my single tracked mind. She obviously noticed my conniving demeanor because soon we were in my car driving to her home to get some important object she had forgotten...FALSE. We did actually drive all the way across my huge hometown and back. PLENTY of time for her to explain to me that she...just wanted to be friends. BOOM. Just like that. Done...so this is what they mean when they say wind out of the sails. I spent the countdown at my grandmas house that year. Dejected and lonely. Fail. (in retrospect though, that time with Gma was way more valuably spent) But the lesson is, make sure first.

Also, it may be a good idea to make sure you are in good health. In my latter years, I have annually spent the switch from year to year in a miserable state of gushing nostrils. I credit this to dramatic climate change and SLC winter air. So when I kissed that poor girl as the ball dropped, I was unaware of how extra wet this kiss would be. Bless her heart she didn't react, but the indisputable fact remains, that my nose was more moist (that ones for you Christie) than my lips. Yeah I know, GROSS! So, if you've got snot gushing out of your nostrils, keep it on your own upper lip, no one wants to share that. Dear recipient, if you're reading this, I'm sorry!

The nose subject brings up a whole different issue. I have actually noticed that my most read blog post in recent weeks is this one: Dallon's 5 Step Guide To Kissing for People with Big Noses. This is good. I'm glad you guys are planning ahead by studying up before your big kiss this new years!

Then of course there is the year that girl emerged from the shadows, unannounced and unnamed...with hands grasped behind my neck and firmly but with the softest lips, planted on me the most exciting new years kiss I've ever had. Just as quickly as she came though...she was gone. The girl in the red dress, out of my life forever. I still dream, that when I am old and small on a cold new years eve my future wife will giggly tell me about the time she kissed some handsome, random boy at a party, and left him speechless and twitterpated in the crowd. She will tell me that that night...she was wearing her favorite red dress! I have often thought I would try that, and to this day...have never had the courage to kiss a stranger on new years eve. But wear a red dress, and I might be a hero on this new years eve!

There is also the incident when, as a joke, I kissed a friend as we counted down with full on dip and everything, I had to chase her down first as she seemed to know what was coming. The problem was, as I later found out, this poor friend had never actually been kissed before and now sadly counts that as her first kiss. I feel kinda bad about that. I'm not 100% sure, but I think I am now the only person to kiss her besides her husband. Oops! So...make sure you are not going to ruin someones first kiss experience with a joking surprise new years kiss!

My few other new years kiss experiences didn't quite produce lessons worth learning, but this doesn't change the fact that midnight kisses on new years eve, are some of the best around!

I stopped writing this post about ten days ago, well before the new year...but just picked it back up today. I originally had high hopes and great expectations for the moment the calender switches, but...the new year is here now, and I celebrated east coast's new years and then went to bed around 11 o'clock. I would site my age as the excuse but really I was just all sick again and didn't want to swap snot with any unfortunate lady. I do hope however that your new years was more eventful, and wish you all the very best for 2012! Happy Smooching!

The Christmas Spirit

2011-12-17T23:49:00.000-08:00

   I do not remember the exact moment that Christmas became more to me than greedily foraging through presents under the tree to see which ones were mine, and being upset that the biggest one wasn't for me...but I am very glad that it has. I cannot say enough about how awesome in every way Christmas is. So I won't try. Unfortunately I know that not everyone shares this sentiment. For some Christmas is a lonely, cold, stressful time of year. Hopefully those of us who are blessed with favorable circumstances can make our best efforts to share our blessings of heat, food, and loving family and friends with others. This is one reason Christmas is so great. The Christmas Spirit. I fully believe that the Christmas Spirit and the Spirit of Christ are one in the same. After all, we really are celebrating the birth of the one and only man who has given absolutely everything he had, to absolutely every one of us. It can be said that each one of us should have that spirit with us throughout the whole year. And I like to believe that most of us do, but it cannot be denied that this time of year the feelings of joy and giving are amplified to hopefully reach each and every one of us.
     Sometimes I wonder if we have over commercialized Christmas, I see children just get loaded on with plastic toys that are broken by the end of the day. They get presents in the morning, then go to one set of grandparents and get some more, then off to the other grandparents house and collect again. It's a lot of presents, though I understand fully that it is a wonderful feeling for parents to cause such joy for their children, that most of this gift giving is for the sake of the givers more so than the children just getting new toys. And I will probably always carry on the tradition, I too have found that it is very enjoyable to give to those you love, or those in need. In fact, I wish I could teach myself to spend so freely on myself as I can do for others. (I'd eat a lot better) But...I wish I knew for sure that the meaning of Christmas is still penetrating the hearts and minds of young and old alike. I know though, that parents do such a good job teaching children about Christ in my family. It started with my parents. Though at the time I was more naive about Christmas and excited about presents than most, there was planted in me a deep respect and admiration for my Savior Jesus Christ and the true meaning behind the holiday that celebrates His birth. All of the children in my family would dress up as Joseph and Mary, the Wiseman, the Shephard, and all the characters from the nativity (a cabbage patch doll played the roll of baby Jesus when I got too big) and as one of the adults read the story from Luke, we would re-enact the events surrounding the birth of Jesus. To this date these are some of my most fond memories of Christmas and I credit those little nativity skits as a foundation upon which I have built my testimony of the Man that is my Savior. I try to spend Christmas time, and all of my life remembering who He is and what He has done for me.
     Of course, I am not perfect, I get wrapped up (no pun intended) in the wordly conundrum that is this life. Recently, my poor niece was robbed when her car was broken into while in Salt Lake City. A few days later I got a message from her on my phone. Apparently a homeless man had found her purse, and in the purse was a receipt. This man called the establishment from whence the receipt came, they in turn called her to tell her the purse had been found. The message she left on my phone was to ask if I could go get the purse from this man. My first reaction when I listened to the message was, "Oh great, he is probably going to want me to give him money for finding the purse, he is probably the one that took it!". I was so put out that this mean, dirty man would stump so low. It immediately hit me then. How does Jesus feel towards those who are poor and needy, despite how they got there? "...I the Lord will hear them, I the God of Israel will not forsake them." (Isaiah 41:17). I immediately felt ashamed. Is that really the first thing that came to my mind when I heard about the situation? I am not proud. Thankfully, my mind soon began to wander in a more positive direction. I quickly filled my car with all the extra gloves, jackets, blankets, and food I could find in order to pay this generous man who had gone out of his way to return a little purse to my niece. I hoped to meet him, give him all I could and take him out to a nice meal somewhere. Ready to go in my car I called my niece back to learn where I could find the man. Unfortunately, she was still not able to contact him. If we never find him, I still hope to give away the excess items in my car.
     There have been years that instead of giving each other gifts, my family has picked other families or children from the angel tree. For the same reasons I spoke about earlier, it felt good to get some great gifts for "boy, age 7", I am sure he was thrilled with the clothes and bicycle, but even more so, I can imagine the joy his parents felt when they were able to give their son a Christmas. But sometimes Christmas can have an unfortunate dark side, two words...Black Friday. Seriously? Is saving 5 dollars worth dehumanizing each other and getting maced? To date, the most cherished gifts I have received on Christmas, are things like the handmade blanket I'm currently wrapped up in, the framed photo of my family, and all of our home videos my parents put onto DVDs and gave to us. None of which required standing in line at 2am and fist fighting to acquire.
      During my recent flight back to Utah there were some major delays. Delays caused by weather (did you know airports are completely useless without internet? I didn't either, but apparently it's true...how did they do it before?) Anyway, there was nothing any of the poor airline employees could do, but of course everyone around was grumbling, complaining, and arguing their cases to the poor airport employees. It made me a little sad. The Spirit of Christmas was definitely not in that terminal. I don't think I changed anything, but I decided to try. I started playing Silent Night on my ukulele. I wish I could say that within minutes we were all singing along with our hands around each other in a big Kumbaya type circle, sharing photos of loved ones, and laughing merrily from the stories we all told...but we didn't. In fact nothing happened at all. The kid with the mohawk across from me did look up from his video game for a second though. But for me, it was the first time this Christmas season, that I really stopped to think about what it is that we are celebrating. The rest of my trip, because I knew it's what Jesus would do, I told every employee thank you very much and with the bestest, friendliest grin I have, wished them each a very Merry Christmas. It was the first time I saw any of them smile.
     I just got home from the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Orchestra on Temple Square annual Christmas concert (thanks Traci!). It was spectacular! It is so wonderful to hear Christmas music performed so powerfully. Thanks to a trait I inherited from my mother, I was all teary eyed almost the entire concert. But there in that huge concert hall, across the street from the gloriously lit Temple Square, it hit me again how amazing it is that God gave us His son to come and reconcile us from our sins and to orchestrate the plan that will allow us to live eternally with those we whom we love. I know without a doubt in my heart or in my mind that Jesus Christ is the son of God, that He is my savior and redeemer, and that it is through Him, because of Him that I have reason for hope, happiness, and love in this life and a chance to continue that through to a life eternal. How glorious a man was He to come here to this earth to bleed, suffer and die for you and me. Such love I will never know from another, and hope to repay everyday through my thoughts, actions, and obedience. My Savior and Lord is Jesus the Christ!
     There really is no other season as magical and glorious as this one. I love Christmas. The lights, the music, the time with family, the traditions, the parties, the food, the candy, and yes...even the presents! But of course the best part of all, is the spirit I feel, the spirit given to us all by the great, loving Jehovah.

Merry Christmas!

It's official.

2011-12-15T18:26:00.000-08:00

I'm miserably sick.
I get winded on stairs.
I'm wearing shoes (and socks, pants, and 9 layers of other stuff too).
There are 17 blankets on my bed.
I have yet to see the sun.
There is carpet on the floors.
There are more than two lanes and everyone is driving WAY too fast for safety.
My lips are dried up like prunes.
I ski everyday.

I guess it's official then...

Shark Pit!

2011-11-12T17:16:00.000-08:00

Hey Honu!

After scraping our chests on the reef, it suddenly drops of to 35'.

That's Ricky Bobby!

Hard to tell, but this guy was at least as big as me!

So just in my backyard, well two

blocks away from my backyard, is one of my favorite surf spots on Maui. It's called Shark Pit. Yeah, that's pretty self explanatory. But the last few days there has been ZERO surf on the west side, so Idecided to take advantageand finally find out what I've been floating over all those times. So I grabbed a buddy and a tank and went for a scuba dive! After driving away to other distant locations on Maui to find great dive spots, who knew just had to walk down to the beach two blocks away! No picture, but we saw a turtle the size of a small car. Most of the turtles here were huge, way bigger than the ones we see at the cleaning stations on our snorkel trips. Awesome!

Ricky Bobby found a tiger cowry!

HUGE puffer, Still can't get one to puff though...

Maui is great this time of year because it is always raining, but it's also always sunny. So there is always a rainbow!

Popped up to see this!

It wouldn't be called Shark Pit if there weren't sharks everywhere! This first guy was just chillaxin. White tips are one of the only kine shark that can pump water through their gills to breather without moving. This other guy came right at me so close I couldn't get a full picture! Sharks are wimps. It was a great dive in my backyard!

"Harold!"

2011-11-10T14:47:00.000-08:00

So the other night on the cocktail cruise there was a really old couple. I'm talking walkers with tennis balls, dentures, and shrunken to child size. And they . . were . . awesome! I'll just tell one story. Little wife was in the head and little husband was patiently waiting just outside for her. Then with a childish smile so big his teeth fell out, and a devious cackle, he reached up and latched the door closed from the outside. After a minute or two, we started to hear little wife rattling the door, then..."Harold! I can't get out!" Then Harold starts laughing harder. "Harold! What did you do? Let me out!" At this point Harold is practically in a laughing fit as he points at the door and makes sure everyone knows about the trick he is pulling! "Harold! I'm warning you, you better let me out this instant!". "What's wrong honey, do you need some help in there?". "HAROLD!" Hahahaha! Finally Harold let her out and bless her heart she is busting up laughing too! "Oh that Harold, always the trickster, he's been doing this to me his whole life!" Oh man, seeing those two cute little old people was the highlight of the last several weeks for me! Silly old people.

2011-11-05T22:41:00.000-07:00

There are certain situations in life that you always wonder how you will perform in, but also really hope that you will never have to. At my job, and in several other of life's circumstances I have some serious fears. As the first mate on a snorkel tour boat, you can imagine what my concerns and fears are. Since I was 16 years old I have been training and practicing for aquatic emergencies and CPR. With unbelievable gratefulness and luck, I have never had to use it. Until now. My absolute worst fear in life came to fruition on Thursday. For the first time in my life I was forced to use those lifesaving and CPR skills.

I want to thank my co-workers for all doing an outstanding job, I was very proud of all of you for performing so well in such an emergency. I know she won't ever read this, but I want to express my deepest regret and condolenscenses to Mrs. Miner. I am so sorry that I was unable to save your husband. Though I had just barely met you and Jerry, he was very nice and polite to me. I hope that you can take some solace knowing that Jerry was in such a beautiful place doing something he was so excited to do when he left you and all of us on earth. I hope I can express to you that I absolutely believe and even know that you will see and be with your husband again, that families really can be together for eternity. It is always sad and horrible when we loose a loved one, but I know the time apart is only temporary.

I've been going over the whole event in my mind over and over again. I've had friends and family die from unexpected accidents and natural causes, and those experiences have had profound affects on me. But this is the first time I've lost someone for whom I've been responsible. I don't mean that I'm responsible for Mr. Miner's death, the circumstances make evident that Mr. Miner died of a heart event, I just mean he was under my supervision while snorkeling at Molokini island, and the experience has flooded me with mixed emotion. Mr. Miner was 77 years old, so I hope that he lived a full life. I am inspired to do the same. He was enjoying life's experiences when he died, I hope I can do that every moment I'm alive. He was a father... Dad and Mom, I love you so much and am so grateful for all the sacrifices you've made for me in your lives, please take care of yourselves and stick around for a whole lot longer! He had other family too, and the older I get the more I realize how awesome my family is and how much I love you all. You really are the greatest part of my life. Thanks for everything! My faith...I can't imagine living this life and dealing with death without the knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It has guided me through my life and given me hope, happiness, comfort, and direction in a tough world.

I'm writing about this because writing about things helps me even though this is usually the type of thing I keep personal...Like I said, I have been reviewing the whole thing in my mind over and over again, and despite the natural feeling of guilt, I honestly don't think I could have done anything different to have a better chance of saving Jerry. He looked just like he was still snorkeling and even had his snorkel in his mouth when I got to him. From the time he was last seen normal until I got to him was only one minute. My other lifeguards and crew all did exactly what they should have during the emergency. As soon as I realized there was a problem I was acting in trained robot mode. When I got to him he was already in full cardiac arrest with no vital signs, I got him to the boat and as soon as we had him on board I was given the CPR mask and had assistance from two others as we began our CPR rotations. It took 35 minutes for the coast guard to get to us and we performed CPR that whole time. I don't think I will ever stop hearing his wife's frantic cries, or seeing his face, but I know that this was not an at-fault situation. Due to the short time period from when he was last seen acting fine to when he was noticed unconscious leads us to believe he had an aneurysm or stroke. Meaning that he did not drown. I don't know if being out of the water would have increased his chances or not. This was an unexpected medical event and I don't think I could have done anything more than what was done. It wasn't until the coast guard had taken him that the emotions hit me. But, I still had 85 people on a boat that I was responsible for, so I'm letting it out now. I am just fine though, so no one needs to call or write to check up on me. I am just glad my fear of these things has kept me vigilant in training and practicing for these emergencies, and feel good knowing that I was capable of performing my duties during an emergency. And though death is a part of life, I hope that we won't ever take life for granted.

Dry Dock

2011-10-30T01:08:00.000-07:00

Diamond Head at dusk.

As I mentioned in a previous post, my job isn't all snorkeling with dolphins and handing out cookies to hotties. Sometimes, like last week...it's tough hard work.

Waikiki coastline.

Every two years we are required by the coast guard to haul each boat out of the water for hull inspections. And last week was Kaulana's time to travel to the dry dock on Oahu. So, being first mate on Kaulana, it was off to Oahu for me! We left Maui at 11pm on Friday night. There were three of us on the boat and we took turns driving the boat in two hour shifts. I was up first. That night there was no moon and the stars out on the open sea

Flying boat!

were just beautiful. I had 4 methods for navigation. The old school compass built into the boats dashboard, the new school gps, the few navigation lights visible on the surrounding islands, and my favorite...the stars. I got sick of keeping the right compass reading lined up on the little line so I picked out a few stars and

Hauling out.

kept the boat going in the right direction by keeping the bow between the stars. It was pretty cool. Luckily we had a relatively calm night. The passing was completely uneventful. In the morning we cleared all the flying fish that had landed on our decks off, and waited for light so we could maneuver into the harbor and haul the boat out of the water by 8 am. Drive a boat from Maui to Oahu...check.

The first day there I got off on account of having not slept, but instead of sleeping I went to meet my friend Traci! She happened to be staying on the North shore the same time I was there. So we went to the beach house she was staying at. That beach was gorgeous! Then we went to the Haunted Lagoon at the Polynesian Cultural Center which was really good, I dare say the best haunted anything I have ever

With Traci at the PCC.

been too! It was really fun. The next night after work I met Traci again. This time we met at the UH football game. I arrived at the stadium at half time and as I was walking around the building to buy a ticket, a heard an angry voice start yelling from behind. I turned around to see a large drunk white guy wearing a certain type of shirt that implies violence towards ones spouse... I ignored his drunken, vulgar threats and kept walking. Before I knew what was happening

At the UH game. Notice I'm NOT wearing a hat...

though this drunken idiot had grabbed me from behind and started throwing punches at my face! I managed to get my hands up in time to block his blows and I quickly slipped away and ran. I turned around after getting behind a car to get ready for another attack but the moron was stumbling away already. Yeah, I totally got jumped in the parking lot. I was fine, he never really hit me, but the jerk somehow managed to steal my hat! I loved that hat, and ask me how I feel about my reaction of hiding behind a car, because I feel just fine about it. More fun drunk stories to come too. After that mayhem I got into the game. Hawaii won, yay! Seeing Traci made all the other lousiness completely worth it...

Yeah, that's a tank full of poop.

So working at dry dock isn't easy. First of all, the boat is sectioned off into several different compartments and it's a catamaran so there are five compartments on each side. Which means the Coast Guard has to inspect all the hulls in each of these rooms. Which means we

LOTS of tools...

have to slither and climb into all these tiny tight spaces and scrub and scrape and suck all sorts of disgusting, oily, poopy, sludge! We start by sucking all the liquid out with wet vacs. Then wiping and scraping by hand, then grinding and sanding, and then in some cases...painting. Not with a sprayer...but by hand. Don't forget these things are tiny cramped little boiling hot rooms, at one point I was lying under a several ton engine with Jesse holding my legs upside down so I could reach the bottom

How many times did I fall off that scaffolding?

and not get stuck. After all these bilges are cleaned we have to turn our attention to the outside of the hull. The whole thing has to get sanded, wiped, primed, sanded, wiped, painted, and painted again. Most of which is all overhead. My arms are still sore from holding those sanders above my head and pushing as

Bottom paint done. Taping for top coats.

hard as I could. I went through a respirator a day, and even with the goggles, I'm pretty sure I got more paint dust in my eye than the surgeon general recommends. Then of course, there is all the mechanical stuff that has to be done too. Anyways...it's a lot of hard work.
To cap it off, I shared a hotel room with an interesting guy, one of the company's maintenance staff. One night, at 4:30 a.m., he came

At least the sunsets were good!

stumbling into my room, looked around then went back out, so I got up to see what was going on, just to see him draining his bladder all over the kitchen floor. Hooray for drunk people! Ugh, gross...
Staying in Honolulu is always a big change. I got completely lost trying to find my hotel after being on the North Shore with Traci. The

Building a wave breaker.

traffic, the hookers, the homeless people everywhere, the lack of street signs, the annoying one way roads everywhere, the huge buildings everywhere...I am not a fan. I'm very glad to be back home on my chill, low key, relaxed little island of Maui! There is one great thing about Honolulu and dry dock though, all the FOOD! The boss takes us out to breakfast and lunch everyday and it's always delicious. We have to take care of ourselves for dinner but luckily there is a tiny little delicious Korean Shrimp joint with the best kimchi EVER just across the street! Mmmmm, Korean shrimp, nothing beats popping heads off little creatures then eating them!

Things I learned: I don't like drunk people, I don't like Honolulu, except the restaurants, I don't like painting poop tank voids, but I do like Traci, and collecting sea glass, and kids as actors in haunted lagoons! And you've got to get the epoxy/hardener ratio mix just right or it doesn't work well... Goooo dry dock!

My Work Day.

2011-10-18T00:36:00.000-07:00

On a normal day in the work life of Dallon, I will wake up here. This is my bedroom where I sleep, and where I'm sitting now, my kitchen where I eat my cinnamon toast crunch, my house. It's a cozy little abode that I enjoy. Lived here last year too.

After my yummy breakfast I hop on one of these. These are my three modes of transport. I just repainted the bike. It's white and black now and pretty pimpin. The skateboard is good on days when there's no surf. And I only payed $67 for the car and I've had it over a year, so that's awesome.

No matter which ride I take, this is where I go. It's Lahaina Harbor and it's where I work. One of the boats I work on stays parked right here in the harbor. The other boats are on moorings out on the roadstead. We have to drive this little dinghy out to the other boats. This is the harbor during the day, behind me in dinghy, and at dawn when I first get there.

These are the boats that I work on. The first one is the Maui Princess. This is the dinner cruise boat that goes out every night. I avoid stepping foot on this boat unless it's to get some leftovers. But when I do have to work on the Maui Princess I pretty much only tend the bar. The second boat is the Kaulana (it's in the foreground, the background is just some random cruise ship) it's my favorite. Every Mon. Wed. Fri. we do a snorkel trip to the island of Lanai and to Mala pier on Maui, then at night time we do a cocktail cruise. The last one is the Island Princess. On this boat we go to Molokini and Olowalu Bay every Tues. Thurs. Sat. In this photo we picked up our passengers right off their cruise ship.

So on Mon. Wed. Fri. we go here. Lanai is one of the best places in Maui County to snorkel. There is never anyone else there and the water and coral are beautiful. After Lanai we head back to Maui and cook some lunch. The second spot is Mala pier. This pier collapsed in a hurricane in 1992. Lots of turtles there. It's pretty awesome too. Kaulana has a pretty wicked slide that everyone loves...even Reed! Here's the trip!

When we have dropped everyone off at the loading dock, and cleaned the boat. I usually get about an hour off until I have to come back and get ready for the cocktail cruise. It's only a two hour trip. There are some light snacks but pretty much it's just a booze cruise. We got a funky entertainer on board and this is where most of my crazy stories come from. Useless life accomplishments: In the state of Hawaii I am now a licensed bar manager. Mormon bartender, it still makes me laugh too.

On the other days we go to Molokini. Molokini is an ancient volcanic crater that over time has sunk and been eroded down by wind and waves so that it now looks like a half moon. The island itself is a a marine bird sanctuary and the water is a marine reserve. So we have to have special permits to go there. It's famous for is calm and very clear water. When we get there we have to secure a bow line and a stern line to keep the ship from swinging. It's a pretty intense process of free diving, line tying, and swim sprinting. It's a pretty exhausting process that not everyone can do. After Molokini we go to a place called Olowalu Bay. This is where all the turtles are! There is a turtle cleaning station where the fish and turtles get together so the fish can have a meal and the turtles get their shells cleaned! The Island Princess has the water trampoline that is always a big hit! So during the trips I have to cook and serve and clean, give swim and snorkel lessons, lifeguard, dump heads, clean puke, etc. And I'm the first mate on both boats so if anything goes wrong it's my fault...yay.

Molokini

On some days though...I have to do some non fun stuff. Boat maintenance is a bummer. How you ever sucked sludge out of a bilge tank, or painted a holding tank? I have, it isn't fun. It's so not fun, I don't really have any pictures of it, except these from when we were at dry dock. Sometimes I just put the paint on me, and roll around the boat. Somedays I get to do other random things like scuba dive the moorings to replace shackles, or build new cabinets. Next week for example, I get to drive Kaulana from Maui to Oahu. Yes, drive. Hope I can stay on the road! Oh wait....

So that's what I do for work! I pretty much love it.

The Nevervoid.

2011-10-15T01:09:00.000-07:00

I know you've all been wondering, but...here's the thing. I'm in the dating nevervoid. It's the black hole anti-matter of my life. This is what's going on:

1. I meet a girl in Maui. We go out and I am charming and witty without any effort, obviously. She is smitten and things get molten. But inevitably we hit a crossroads in the countryside of moral standards. Mine forks left towards vertical N.C.M.O. and cuddling. Her fork goes right towards the horizontal refreshments, the hot rod promiscuous parking garage, and the "relations". So...

             a. When we start to make the turn towards her fork, it gets super awkward when I have to halt the bus to freaky town. Then, with an astonished, dumbfounded look on her face she just says "oh... ummmm...ok." Then she gets really offended and goes off on how men are so shallow, and stomps from the room slamming the door. See, she simply doesn't believe that there are actually people in this world who really are waiting for marriage. So she assumes she's been rejected because of that weird mole on her neck.

             b. When we turn down my fork this young lady is so astounded by my chivalric respect for her feminine flower, that her internal destiny switch(n) clicks from "hot guy sexy time" mode, to "finally a man that sees me for me and not my voluptuous lady lumps" mode. And this isn't necessarily a bad thing. But several months down the road, after several arguments on religion, and moral standards, and we discover the huge differences that form the wedge between us, it will be a sad horrible break up. Unfortunately, almost every couple I know that have those kinds of differences never work out. So I've decided to keep my toe in the LDS dating pool only.

2. So over in that pool, I meet a girl in Utah. We go out and I am charming and witty without any effort, obviously. She is smitten and things get molten. But inevitably we hit a crossroads of eternal celestiality timing. Her fork leads straight to ring sizing, reception center pieces, and picking out bathroom tile...followed directly with nine months of Lamaze classes and "what to expect when your expecting". My fork also leads to these things, I fully believe in the eternal family and understand it's profound meaning and importance, it's just on a slightly different timeline. So...:

           a. When we turn down her fork Dallon is covered with the blanket of overwhelmingness and deep within his fragile soul the fear of commitment will creep out and sabotage the entire relationship. Inevitably leading to heartbreak and pain. It's pathetic and I'm not proud...

           b. When we turn down my fork, we have a lot of good times and some amazing adventures. Everything is great and wonderful because my life still hasn't changed that much and I still get to do all the things I've always dreamed of. Someday in the future we'll get to those more eternal dreams. But as the years pass on...she gets restless, impatient, and sick of me leaving to Maui or New Zealand for 6 months every year, and dumps me. Three weeks later...she marries the guy she met when I was in Maui. They live happily ever after.

So...my current plan is to simply just avoid all these possible scenarios altogether! And...done.

P.S. This may be a very odd blog post to the vast majority of the world, many of you who may be reading this might be wondering why in the world would I not get on the bus to freaky town? Those of you who share my faith and membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints surely will understand. I am not even sure why I wrote this, as this is much more of a "dear diary" type subject.. But for those of you who are confused, go here.    It's a link to a website my church made about our beliefs in family and marriage.

Moloka'i Mo Bettah!

2011-10-12T15:15:00.000-07:00

One of the other Hawaiian Isles that I love is Molokai. And it just so happens that the company I work for operates the ferry between Maui and Molokai so I get to go for free! So, a few weeks ago The Capeners, Carrie and I all went over there. I have been there once before, and I have flown over the island in a helicopter with Loralie, you can check that our here.

Hey Caitlyn, what's that rock look like? Hehe, The Kalauapapa peninsula is the spot where back in the day people who had Hansens Disease (leprosy) were sent to and kept in isolation. There is a small colony still there where some people with the disease still choose to live. It's treatable now, but the colony still exists. The peninsula is located at the base of the worlds highest sea cliffs (as made famous by Jurassic Park). We tried to hike down the cliffs, but could not acquire the appropriate permits. Still beautiful though!

We drove around the island and found a cool cemetery and a women's canoe race from Molokai to Oahu.

On the west coast of Molokai is the largest beach in Hawaii. It's called Papohaku Beach and it's 3 miles long. And just like last time...we had it all to ourselves!

We built a fire and had some delicious sandy smores!

Last year we spent hours in the water collecting shells. This year, the surf was massive so there was no treasure hunting. But we had a blast trying not to break our necks in the surf!

We drove from west side to east side, only about 40 miles, until we got to Halawa Valley.

The hike to the waterfalls is awesome. It's straight up jungle!

These are the waterfalls at Halawa Valley. This is one of my favorite places in all of Hawaii. And of course, once again, we were the only ones there!

There are three different waterfalls in Halawa Valley. Only two are accessible. The 3rd one is just above one of the others.

Every night we slept on the beach and there were thousands of sand crabs. At night they would crawl all over us and there would be sand crab tracks all over us in the morning. On our second night we caught a bunch of them and put them in a bucket! Crazy crabs.

And of course, we roasted some more delicisous smores! Camping on the beach is AWESOME!

Maui Aquatic Center

2011-10-12T03:55:00.000-07:00

So...I work in the ocean. Literally, I'm in the ocean everyday for my job. I get paid to be in the ocean. It obviously doesn't get old saying that either! I love the ocean! I love it so much, that sometimes after work, in the ocean, I go to the aquarium! Cuz the ocean is awesome! Here's some of my favorite photos!

Surf Fact of The Day

2011-10-03T18:42:00.000-07:00

Skegs are sharp!

Haleakala to Hana

2011-10-02T02:20:00.000-07:00

Carrie hadn't yet been to Haleakala or Hana yet so we took a little trip. Seriously, it was little, we live on an island. But awesome still the same. I have been to Hana possibly 20 times but I don't think I've ever actually written about it. So here ya go. We started out at sea level and drove up to about 7,000 feet to camp. Built a little fire because, yes, it gets cold at 7,000 ft even on Maui. The next morning we we're up before the sun to drive to 10,000ft and watch the sun come up. It was super cool. Seriously, freezing...

Then it was back down the slopes (I miss skiing) to the Hana side of Maui. We did all the normal Hana activities.

Rainbow Eucalyptus

More rainbow eucalyptus

Nua'Ailua Bay

We camped right next to Koki Beach Park near Hamoa. Roasted some mallows on da beach!

We went to Wainapanapa State Park, jumped off stuff, swam in some caves and what not...

And of course we went to the sacred pools and hiked Oheo Gulch to Waimoku Falls.

And some more pictures cuz they're perty.

And I'm not doing any more blogging until google fixes photo formatting in blogger! Urg.

Maui: Season 2, Episode 2

2011-09-20T22:18:00.000-07:00

Don't get confused, this slideshow is over a year old, this is not current. Yeah, I'm over a year behind in the making of my Maui slideshows, sorry. But here ya go! Last year after I come back to Maui from Kauai, and my family went back to Utah, Cindy was already in Lahaina, then Reed and Stacey came, then Caitlyn showed up, this slideshow is mostly the adventures we all had.

Check out season 2's first episode here.

Close Encounters of the Coral Reef Kind

2011-09-18T20:26:00.000-07:00

The other day my good friend Big Wave introduced me to his friend Coral Reef, and I got mauled by a lion...

Day after...

4 days after...

This summer has produced the greatest south swells I've ever experienced and as a result I've had some of the greatest surf sessions of my life. The wave that produced the lion attack as seen above was no exception! Surfs up braddah!

Maui Girl 5690.

2011-09-05T00:34:00.000-07:00

About one month ago I went down to the shore for my daily surf and noticed a small section of the beach at breakwall had been fenced off. Then I noticed that inside the little fenced off area was a large depression. When I realized what it was I got really excited and I've been eagerly anticipating the birth of little baby sea turtles ever since! This week, my persistence in observation finally paid off! Here is the story as I have learned from the experts...
In 1980 a baby turtle was born and kept by researchers for researching purposes. She was raised in a marine biology type place until she was one. She was given a tag, #5690, and a name, Maui Girl. Maui Girl was released off of the Big Island in 1981. In the year 2000 Maui Girl showed up on the beach right here by my house in Lahaina and layed several nests. Every other year ever since then, she has come back to the exact same beach to lay her eggs. Except last year she didn't show up as scheduled. But this year, one year late, she came back and so far has laid 6 nests! One nest every two weeks. I missed the hatching of the first nest but last Wednesday I got word that the baby turtles were coming out of the second nest. I missed that night but camped out on the beach Thursday night to see if there were any stragglers. Disappointed I went home and to bed, just to get a text message that two more babies had emerged from the nest. The Hawaii Fish and Wildlife folks showed up yesterday though, to excavate the nest. They do this for two reasons. The first is to save any baby turtles that might still be alive but can't dig themselves out, and the second is to research and document how many eggs, how deep the nest is, how many made it out of the nest alive etc. So I went down to watch. To the cheers of the crowd, they found 5 tiny baby sea turtles were still alive! They were stuck under their poor brothers and sisters who were already dead. The researchers waited until it was dark enough and they let the little guys finish their trek to the sea! It was "totally awesome dude!" (to quote Squirt) I will now be checking all the other nests on a two week basis hoping to see the rest of them hatch! This is especially cool for me because a huge part of my job has been learning about Hawaiian Green Sea Turtles. I swim with them everyday and teach the Tourons all about them and help people find them in their special hiding places and cleaning stations. They are some of my most favorite of God's creatures and it's so fun for me to watch them start their lives! You can learn more about Maui Girl at these websites:

The Maui News: About her failure to show up last year.

The Maui News: Her Return this year!

Maui Girl's Story

The Truth of 5690

This is when the surviving babies that couldn't make it out on their own were uncovered.

This is their final trek to the ocean!

Hopefully in the next few weeks I'll have some more news and photos from the other nests!

K.I.S.S.

2011-08-31T13:40:00.000-07:00

This is the mobile device I am currently using. Besides being a telephone, I have several great applications: paper weight application, brick throwing application, bludgeoning bad guys application, gravity testing application, etc. I can't wait to get some cool new faceplate designs!

This is how I use the internet. What are all those black chord looking things? Well those are wires. Don't call my house when I'm using the internet please.

This is my personal music player. Notice the buttons. Touching the screen just leaves fingerprints...

This is popcorn chicken! AKA last nights dinner.

This fun device is called a book. This is how I read. Notice the two fingered page turning. OLD SCHOOL!

The Day I Swam with a Great White Shark!

2011-08-15T23:31:00.000-07:00

So during my semi-religious watching of shark week a few weeks ago, I saw a show that talked a bit about how very very rare great white shark sightings in Hawaii are now becoming only very rare. In other words, great whites have been known to come here, just not often and they don't stay long. (Read this and this for more info on whites in HI) Normally the only real shark threat in Hawaii are the tigers, and my chances of winning the lottery, getting struck by three lightning bolts, and getting a full pedicure from Natalie Portman, all on the same day...are greater than actually getting attacked by one of those. But...the other day I was lifeguarding a group of tourons at one of our normal snorkel spots called Olowalu Bay. It's an awesome spot to see green sea turtles (shark food). I was in the water there for about an hour, everything was normal and we left. About an hour later the captain got a text message. It said that just an hour ago, a great white shark was sighted in Olowalu Bay. It was such a crazy text we laughed about it wholly believing the message sender was playing a joke on us. Today however, the sighting was made official through legit sources. And all I can think about is how freaking cool it would have been to stick my face in the water and watch a great white shark swim by! Bummer. Sad I missed it. So my claim to awesomeness is that I was swimming in little Olowalu Bay at the exact same time as a great white shark. I'm awesome. These lucky blokes didn't miss their chance to swim with a white though! SO amazing!

On another note. It has always been a dream of mine to ski and surf in the same day. It's definitely a bucket list item. This has great influence on my desire to move to New Zealand (which I will try again soon). Today, I read this little article. http://www.skinet.com/skiing/photo-gallery/ski-and-surf Now I know the six places on earth that my heart would be completely content.

On another note...we saw SO many dolphins today!! Have I even mentioned how awesome everything is? Well it is.

REDACTED. Lame...about an hour after I posted this, my reputable source came out saying that this great white shark sighting, was not actually a great white, but a mako shark. Apparently this is a common mistake. Boo, I'm not nearly as cool now...stupid mako that wasn't a great white. I'm leaving this post up though, cuz the videos are cool.

Manta Heaven

2011-08-14T14:25:00.000-07:00

A couple of months ago I went on a really cool dive.

Reed came too.

Our first spot was to a place called Garden Eel Cove. At about 60 feet the coral stopped and there was nothing but sand as far as you could see on the ocean floor. Except...for all these guys. There were hundreds of them! They are called Garden Eels. They would sway with the current just like plants in the wind and go back into their holes if you got too close. It was really cool to see.

Then as night fell we got back in the water...

Reed blowing bubbles at me.

Das our boat.

We placed a milk crate full of flashlights on the ocean floor pointing up to make a column of light to attract the plankton...

But we still didn't see what we were looking for. So we swam off for a little night diving adventure. I have all sorts of videos of eels and crazy crabs with huge shells covered in shells,

So we got to see lots of really cool things, and it turns out the ocean at night time is whole different place! But in the end I hadn't seen what we were hoping to see, then as I was climbing back onto the boat in disappointment, I turned around to see THIS!

GIANT MANTA RAYS!!!!

It was AWESOME! There were lights on the boat that were enough to attract the plankton which in turn attracts the rays. These things were massive and beautiful! I loved every minute of the whole experience. I love how while scuba diving you are completely free to go in any direction you want, it is so much fun! I've lots of video but since blogger is a bummer and I don't have editing capabilities, I can only show the short ones...

We were right off the Kona coast on the big island. I continue to fall more in love with everything ocean. I am thinking I should have been a marine biologist or something! Anyways, it was cool, and of course the pictures and videos just don't do it justice... Aloha!

Theoretical Theory

2011-08-13T00:44:00.000-07:00

The Walmart Effect Theory
I developed this theory at work on the boats. On a day when we have a small number of passengers, the people are almost always way more kind, pleasant, cool, and have a much more enjoyable experience than those who come aboard on a day when the boat is fully loaded. When there are lots of passengers on board, they have to wait in line to eat, get in the water, get out of the water, etc. They have to share a small space. I am a little more stressed due to 12 people at once telling me their masks don't work, and people are ignoring the swim with a buddy rule. So I'm a little less jovial as well. Their orneriness rubs off on me which is then reciprocated back on them. In other words...it's like going to Wal Mart. So no matter how perfect the day is, if there are too many people on the boat...The Wal Mart theory takes effect, and no one is as happy as they otherwise would have been.

The Kids These Days Theory:
Kids these days, a term that every generation has used. But I feel that as the speed of technological advancement increases, so does the generation gap. For example. Every day. EVERY day, on the boat, as we watch dolphins, see the fish fly, and swim with dolphins...some kid will have his nose glued to some sort of screen. I'm not a parent, so this is as far as I'll go, but it drives me nuts. Their favorite part of the trip is that we play Finding Nemo on the tv. ugh.

The Dating Theory.
Well obviously...I don't have one.

The Facebook Theory.
Some time in the not too distant future, researchers will look back in time and determine that the point at which humans began to de-evolve, loosing our voice boxes and ability to communicate verbally, was when facebook was invented.

The How to Talk to Girls Theory.
Pretend that they are tourists. Seriously. I can charm the tourons like I can blink my eyes. Step off the boat though, and try to talk to a pretty girl...nope, I'm a bumbling idiot. So...pretend they are tourists. Boom.

The vacationing IQ Theory.
Do the fish cause the waves? Is that Japan? How long does it take to swim under Maui? Is that huge ship (pointing at the 30 foot fishing boat) a cruise ship?
These are all questions I was asked just this week by tourists. I am now convinced that when people go on vacation, the part of their brain that controls common sense fully shuts down, thus temporarily lowering their IQ. At least 10 people every trip tell me that their snorkel doesn't work. A snorkel is just a hollow tube, it has no moving parts at all. I will take the snorkel from them and hand them a new, identical one. Every day someone will puke all over the boat, then tell me that they always get motion sick but didn't think it would be a problem today. Every day people come on board and tell me they can't swim. (it's a snorkel trip!) And every time, there is someone that will swim 100 yards back to the boat to get another squirt of anti fog (it's baby shampoo) in their masks because it isn't working and they can't see, instead of taking the mask off, and dunking it in the water. It's hilarious. People on vacation are scientifically less intelligent...

The White People Are Better Swimmers Theory.
While writing the previous theory seconds ago, I remembered this one. I sure hope this doesn't offend anyone, I mean absolutely no racial disrespect. I am merely commenting on my observations. White people though, are better swimmers than all others. In order from best swimmers to worst swimmers goes like this. White, Black, Mexican, Asian, Indian. Seriously. If there are Asians or Indians on the boat, we just know who to give the life jackets to and who we need to keep an eye on. Of course this is a generalization and there are exceptions.

The Hot Girl Theory.
Have you ever seen an unbelievably attractive person...holding hands with a complete bozo? I think we have all thought at least once "how did that guy/girl get that girl/guy!?" And do you remember that girl from high school that was SOOOOO hot, but she never dated anyone and never went to any school dances? Well here is the theory. It is possible to be too attractive. The reason the hot girl was always dateless is because her sheer beauty scared all the boys away. We all just assumed that we didn't have a shot so we didn't even make an attempt. It was the "she's out of my league" effect. But, remember the hotties that are all with the notties? So, an average person can totally end up with the hottie of their dreams if they just give it a shot!

The Work Ethic Theory:
This one also comes from work. Here in Maui, I have very easily and quickly worked my way to top of every place of employment I've had. That is especially true at my current job working for Lahaina Cruise Co. I became first mate on the Kaulana after two weeks. Essentially becoming the most trusted and reliable employee of the company. But...I had never worked on a boat, or done any bar-tending in my entire life and just like that...I was in charge of both. Reed, had a very similar experience when he got a job with me this year too. The reason this has happened? Work Ethic. I just work hard, remain reliable, and do a good job. These experiences have led me to wonder why I seem to have such a stronger work ethic than most people I work with. I have attributed it to my upbringing. Two things: One, my parents. Simply put, they taught me how to work. My Dad always had at least three jobs and I recognized that sacrifice and effort he put in. I was always given chores and jobs to do and felt accomplished and proud when I did a good job. Two, my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints... On my second day in Maui a few years ago, I was given a job as a journeyman (something I had never done) from someone I had never met, simply because he knew I was a member of the Church. The theory is this: no matter who you are or what you know, you can be successful by simply working hard. I make a living doing the things I love to do, by working hard. It's awesome. I'm grateful to have been taught that.

Talkin' Story

2011-07-29T01:32:00.000-07:00

Story 1:
To begin this story, I must begin about 1 month ago when I was in Oahu working on a boat in dry dock. After work one day our boss mentioned that the marine supply store nearby had a killer deal on Topsiders so we went over there and about 6 of us all bought ourselves some super sweet new boat shoes. I was actually pretty stoked on the find, since I did actually need some closed toe aquatic kicks. Upon our triumphant return to Maui, we told all our non-dry-dock-worker co-workers that our boss had bought us the shoes, to make them all super jealous. It worked...suckers.
Weeks later...I was showing Reed how to turn off the generator so I was lying prone over the engine hatch in a very vulnerable position when silly Rackel (Raquel when she's acting 13 years old = Rackel) in a jealous rage decided to steal my stinky Top Sider right off my disgusting feet and tried to hide it. The ingenious hiding spot she found was on top of a slip post (the post between two boats we tie the lines too and works as bumpers) Rackel put my shoe up ontop the post in a giggly rant when suddenly she watched the shoe vanish. It just wobbled there and suddenly poof...gonzo shoe. As the furious wrath of Dallon ran through her mind Rackel screamed, panicked and...Blamo! Fell right on her pooter! At this point all the commotion caught my attention and I first thought she dropped my shoe in the harbor, a funny prospect in my mind because I knew she would have to go into that nasty cesspool to retrieve the lost footwear. But alas, the terror on her face was much worse than the prospect of taking a nasty dip. I began asking where my shoe was, and about this time...Whammy! She fell over again. (this is why we wear nice boat shoes) At this point I didn't really care where my shoe was, watching Rackel have a complete meltdown and completely loose control of her body functions was so hilarious it was completely worth whatever fate had befallen my foot's best pal. Eventually, Rackel was able to pull herself out of her giddy fright and let me know that this particular pole...didn't have a top, and is very hollow. There it was, down 20 feet or so at the bottom of a nasty, rusty, grimy, pole. So the real adventure began as we contrived ways to retrieve the fallen shoe. Reed, already having lost some of my footwear in the past, was especially eager to help. So after several failed attempts, we combined IQs and derived a plan that involved allen wrenches duct taped to a pole in the fashion of a grappling hook tied to a rope with a few flashlights. And after only a few heartpounding minutes...Timmy was pulled from the well! Yay! I got my shoe back! With only some rust stains to show for it's brave journey into the depths, my shoe returned triumphantly to the sunlight and to me! And for good show, Rackel fell over one more time, this time out of pure glee! It was downright hilarious!

Seriously!? You dropped my shoe down there!?

Almost...got...it...

Yay! Foot and shoe reunited!

Story 2:
As part of the snorkeling boat adventure we provide here at Lahaina Cruise Company, every trip on the Island Princess we put into the water a big floating water trampoline. It's definitely a favorite among the the tourons. One of the most often asked questions we get within the first five seconds of the trip, is: "You are going to put the trampoline in the water right?!". So, out there at windy Olowalu Bay after the peoples are all in the water snorkeling we untie the trampoline from the top of the boat, lower it into the water, and tie it to the back of the boat. On this particular day though, the gusty trade winds were a blowing something fierce! So the captain had lowered the buoyant bounciness and I was holding the line letting the thing slowly drift away to a safe distance so I could tie it off. Mother nature though, decided that I needed to try parasailing again and with one gusty wind...the trampoline was completely airborne! Now, most of you have probably seen my "turn sideways and disappear" trick, so you know that I am not know for my girth. So, it should come as no surprise to hear that my attempts at anchoring the now airborne buoyant bounciness, were completely in vain. I was instantly lifted off the swim deck, over the laughing snorkelers, over the honu, and quite some distance later I returned to earth with a big splash! It was only my second time parasailing but was surely more entertaining than the first time! Everyone who saw was pleased at my misfortune and I still get teased for it. Luckily, I had learned long ago to never carry anything that can't get wet!

The Island Princess and the trampoline.


Aka, my sail.

Story 3:
Ok, I realize I'm kinda wordy when I talk story, so I'll wrap this one up quick. When I was a young lad, I made a pact with myself that I would never work in the food industry. I have only broken that pact twice. The first one was right out of high school when I worked at Beaver Mtn. All the free skiing made it worth it. The second time is now. While working the snorkel cruises I do cook up some BBQ for the tourons, and I tend bar on the cocktail and dinner cruises. Again...totally worth it. But to remain true to myself I am always making a big deal about NOT serving while on the dinner cruise. I make excuses all the time why it would not be a good idea for me to work as a server. Bartender ok, server...bad news. The other day I decided to illustrate my point. When I get a break at the bar I sometimes help the servers by busing some tables for them. So, I was carrying a large tray full of plates and whatnot down a skinny isle full of people on a rocking boat when...wack! I kicked a chair leg and made a full on deck inspection with my face! Of course I was way up in the front of the boat where everyone can see when I decided to trip and fall on my face. But, I'll have you know...I didn't drop a single item off that tray! It all went in slow motion. I knew I was going down because there was nothing but tourons to grab onto with my free hand and I knew I couldn't ditch the tray without a touron casualty. So to save the innocent, I took the brunt of the fall with my own body. For my courage though, I was awarded with some bloody body parts, and cheers from all the passengers. I collected myself and bounced right up with the exclamation, "I'm ok!" and the applause ensued. I even received some positive accolades in the comment section of the surveys from the tourons! They were very gratefull for the free entertainment! So I'm not sure how this will effect my resistance to serving...I totally tripped and made a complete fool of myself, but on the other hand, I didn't drop anything from my tray... Hopefully, the trip proves my worth as a bartender, and ONLY a bartender... Whatever the case though, it was hilarious, and it really made Rackel's day.

And speaking of bartending. I came one step closer to achieving the goal I never had today. I passed my bar managers exam and am now a fully certified bar manager in the state of Hawaii. Yay!...ugh. Really all this means is I'm the one in trouble if any liquor laws are violated. Oh goody.

And just for fun...I swam from the Hyatt to the Weston and ran back on the beach tonight, with this as my background...Aloha!

Dear Tourons:

2011-07-08T14:28:00.000-07:00

So, without fail something will happen every day that completely amazes me at work. It is usually something quite hilarious but during the moment I can't acknowledge the hilarity of the moment, so I share with you all here, a letter that I address to the source of these moments...the moronic tourists, aka The Tourons.

Dear Tourons:

Your snorkel mask works just fine, user error on this one buddy.
Just because you consider yourself a person of privilege, that doesn't mean that I do.
If you are too occupied to listen to me announce very loudly through a microphone where the bathrooms are located, and too retarded to find them on your own on a boat the size of a tennis court, then you deserve to pee your pants.
If you have never been swimming before...jumping off of a boat in the middle of the ocean is not a good place to try it for the first time!
No. That is NOT Japan.
You're older and therefore infinitely wiser than me in every way, so go ahead and ignore me when I tell you the rules that will keep you alive. Sure, don't wear fins, get swept away in the ocean currents you know nothing about.
Children wait patiently in line better than you do.
Maui is not floating.
We're on a boat, is the middle of the deck really seem like the best place to vomit?
Yip, we're going to tie the boat to a palm tree.
Two life jackets, a swim belt, and 13 swim noodles ARE enough, I promise you're not going go sink.
Is it cold? Are there sharks? Where are the dolphins? Will you fix my mask?..All questions that will undoubtedly solicit a highly sarcastic response from me. Unless of course you are under the age of 12.
Sure, get mad at me because the waves are too big or the water is too murky to safely snorkel, I'll just go ahead and turn the waves off and clean out the ocean for you. I'm sorry I didn't just do that before-hand for you.

That all being said, mahalo tourons, for helping me get paid every day for doing what you are paying to do. My job is awesome, I love it, and I love you. Aloha!

Stuff that's happened

2011-06-28T22:58:00.000-07:00

Aloha! I'm in Maui again! I know you are all dying to hear all about that. But first, gotta tell about the lots of stuff that's gone on since I was last a blogger. And even though I know you guys are dying to read pages and pages of my sweet vocabulary about my life, I choose now not to write detailed descriptions, but instead give you another bulleted list. So, here ya go...

I drove down to San Diego with some friends in an RV and for three days did nothing but eat, sleep, and surf.
I finally achieved my level 2 status with the PSIA. Took me two seasons and comes with a big raise. Boo ya. Next up is Snowboard level 1, ACE 1 and 2, and Tele level 1.
I went to Beaver to race at Elk Meadows. It was slushy, but fun.

Me, Tara, Lane, Kyle

I did some babysitting for my sister. For three days I was in charge of a 3 year old and an almost 1 year old. And I was awesome. Even more awesome than me though, was my little nephew Cameron who didn't poop one single time while I had him. 5 minutes after mom and dad got home, he blew up his diaper. Atta kid Cameron!
The ski resort closed and I stopped working.
Before that happened though, I skied...a lot.
I moved out of my apartment and back into my car.
I went to Moab...twice. Cruised around with Tera and Dread Jake in their rock crawlers. Took some folks down the swollen, boring river. Rode all of slickrock twice and Porcupine Rim on a $5G GT Demo. Demolished the dingleberry trailer with said $5G bicycle on top, that wasn't cool. Everything else was.

putting the trailer back together. .

I got a haircut.

Before

During

After

I built this thing for my Jeep.

I don't have a picture of the finished project. It's covered in vehicle carpet stuff and stores all my Jeep junk well.

After 4 previous unsuccessful attempts, I finally made it to Havasupai. It was awesome. Met Supai Waters, no pants girls, pink pajamas man, oh, there were really cool waterfalls there too. Reed, Derrek, and Sterling came along. I have a couple hundred photos from this trip. So hard to choose!

Just keeping tradition.

Did some rock climbing in St. George.
And a bunch of other stuff.

Lead Roping. Yay.

Josh Climb up. St. George.

RSL game with John, Christie and Trent.

My first attempt at hairstyling!

Lucky pyramid at a Bees game.

BBQ with my friends.

MEMO:

2011-05-30T21:58:00.001-07:00

It has come to my attention that this blog is no longer safe for work...

I apologize. But not really, I think it's hilarious! The dang waterfall is called Mooney for crying out loud!

Nostalgia

2011-05-20T14:54:00.000-07:00

Due to some minor remodel and house cleaning work at my parents house I have made a few nostalgic discoveries. I've opened a time capsule from my high school years and what I've found is a little disturbing, and ridiculously entertaining. So I will now share with you!

First of all, I discovered a box full of letters, cards, and notes that I kept. Most of these are pretty normal and relatively uninteresting, regular letters from friends that moved away, buddies on missions, and cards I received from family members and what not. Some of them however, are notes...notes from girls! Now, I do remember from high school that I really didn't care much about anything unless it was swimming, soccer, skiing, jumping off cliffs, or hanging out with my fellas, what I don't remember from high school, is all this drama with the ladies. I have loads and loads of these notes from girls full of all sorts of daytime drama stuff and while I remember most of the people these notes are from, I do NOT remember reading any of the things these notes have written in them. Because I do not remember any of those girls feeling so strongly about me in any way. The level of undying love professed to me is very flattering but only reiterates how much I didn't care about such things in high school. I would feel really bad about being so clueless to these people's feelings, being so naive to all things female, and probably being quite rude to these girls who were so smitten with me, except that every single one of them (to my knowledge) is currently happily wed with some rugrats in tow. So the drama instilled by my indifference hopefully didn't have any lasting emotional effects on anyone. The funny thing...I know for a fact that some of these girls read this blog! Sorry ladies, please forgive my high school naivety and indifference, it was nothing personal, I just had other, more important things on my mind, like beating that next level on Goldeneye.

My other discovery was stacks and stacks of old video tapes. In high school and beyond I pretty much always had a video camera with me. This was back before they fit in your pocket mind you. But I found these, and a bunch of family home videos, and decided to record them all onto my computer for safe keeping. An arduous task since converting analog to digital requires it be done in real time, which means...for the past week I have been sitting here, watching all these videos. The first and most obvious thing that has struck me is how ridiculously good looking I am (an obvious conclusion also based on the treasure trove of love letters I just wrote about). The second was that I had (and still have, most are the same today) some pretty hilarious and awesome friends. We had some dang good times! But the last and most disturbing thing, is that...I was kind of an obnoxious brat in high school. Seriously, was I that annoying to everyone? Or is there just something about watching yourself that makes you your own worst critic? It's amazing I had any friends at all! Good grief... Anyways, it's been pretty fun watching all this stuff. Some of these I have never even seen before. Maybe I'll make a highlight reel and put it up someday. Many of you are in them too, so I'd be happy to make some special edits upon request!

(p.s. this is not an open forum for agreeing with me and discussing how annoying you thought I was in high school)

Maui: Season 2 premier!

2011-05-16T19:06:00.000-07:00

Ok here it is, only one year late! This is the first installment of slideshows from my second year in Maui. When I went back to Maui last year a bunch of my family members came out with me to attend my cousin Heather's wedding. We also did a bunch of touristy stuff of course, including several days on Kauai. It was a good time. This slideshow is all from that time.

Maui: Season 2 Premier from LoPpsided on Vimeo.

Music Credits in order: "My Time with You" by Kina Grannis and David Choi, "Summer's Gone" by Aberfeldy, "Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros.

2011-05-15T21:48:00.001-07:00

Dear Blog,
I am sorry I have neglected you. But be advised that I am not dead. I'm very much alive. And I promise to return to my blogging ways as soon as possible. Thank you for understanding and hang in there.

Yours truly,
Me.

Dallon's 5 Step Guide to Kissing for People with Big Noses.

2011-03-23T18:19:00.000-07:00

From years of personal experience, I now share with you these proven and trusted techniques!

If the person you would like to smooch wears glasses, make sure they are removed first. Use a line like, "You're eyes are like a window to the most beautiful scenery I've ever seen, let me take away the glass so I can see into them better..." Then slowly and gently remove the glasses, and make your move. This will avoid broken glasses, broken noses, and awkward misses.
Try the upside down kiss. This will hopefully be enough to get your huge schnoz out of the way. However, if either of you have pointy chins this may backfire, so do some facial evaluation on yourself and the recipient beforehand. Try the behind the couch approach, the laying on top bunk method, or of course, if you happen to have superhuman spider skills from a beneficial mutant spider bite then you can try the spiderman method. Just don't forget, that with great power comes great responsibility!
Make sure the kissee has closed eyes before moving in for the succulent softness. This is usually a given but to avoid the painful eye gouge lightly brush your hands over the eyelids to close them right before the action begins. Say. "I have a surprise for you" right after a soft sushing. Beware though, if your snout is extraordinarily mongo, then some uncomfortable eye pressure may still occur.
Although it's about as attractive as the inside of a cowry, you can attempt the super pucker. Pucker your lips to such an extent that lip to lip contact may be made at the greatest distance possible. This will help get your snout at least a little out of the way. Probably may want to incorporate number 3 in to this one as well, on account of you're not going to want him/her to actually see what your doing. Then again, the naive, don't know how to kiss technique is cute to some people...maybe it'll work for you, it does in the movies right?
If the normal slight head tilts in opposite directions isn't quite enough to avoid a full frontal assault on your victims face, you may have to increase your head tilt to an excessive degree. The length of your trunk will directly effect the angle of tilt that will be necessary, as well as the width of your partners face. Use the following formula to calculate safe and appropriate head tilt angles. You will first have to measure your nose length and your partner's face width. Do it when their sleeping...creepy, but necessary.

HTA = NL³(Á¾)/FW√π ± 90°

           Once you have calculated the correct head tilt angle,
           use this chart to visually inspect how far to the side
           you will have to tilt your head to safely get your nose in
           far enough to make lip contact.

Good luck and happy smooching! For personal assistance or for some one on one technique practice, I may be contacted at the following email: happysnouts_XOXO@yeahright.com

Dallon's First Day of Snowboarding!

2011-03-10T08:10:00.000-08:00

To celebrate the passing of my skiing exam, I decided to finally try snowboarding! Ever since I can remember my friends have been trying to convince me to come to the dark side and I have always held firmly to my skiing roots. Not wanting to disrespect the ski gods and sell out in any way, I have never seriously tried snowboarding. Until now. There was a time several years ago on a ski trip to Colorado when I broke a binding and while my ski was in the shop, I put on someones snowboard to burn the time until my ski got fixed. So for a couple of hours I tried it, on a rope tow. I wasn't good. So last Saturday when I went with John and Christie (thanks guys!) I was pleasantly surprised that all those years of poaching snowboard lessons by listening to instructors as I passed them overhead on a ski lift seemed to pay off. I didn't completely suck, but by no means did I tear it up either! I might have actually torn some muscles though! Apparently I have really learned how to fall well on skis because I have done some massive falling and haven't come close to getting hurt as bad as I did snowboarding! Holy crap, it really is true what they say about being sore after learning to snowboard, 4 days later I still can't rotate my shoulder back. Wow, I caught that toe edge and took a face plant that any blooper reel would proudly boast of. I thought everything was broken from my nose to my ribs and probably some internal bleeding too. It wasn't that bad, but I really haven't felt that much pain in a LONG time. The irony is that 20 minutes earlier I told John that I'm getting too confident and I'm going to eat it real hard soon to bring my pride back down. It was a good experience for me though, now I can relate a little better to people that I teach how to ski. I had forgotten how formidable a ski hill can look. I have taken for granted the fact that on skis, for me, it's super simple to get down a hill. Those gentle bunny hill slopes never looked so steep before! It was very humbling being the beginner again. All in all, it was a good time and I'll go again. But don't worry...I'll always be a skier!

I need baggier pants, so I can look super steezy!

My snowboarding coaches!

Jackson Hole

2011-03-09T17:14:00.000-08:00

Last week I went to Jackson Hole. The excuse was a PSIA-I level 2 ski assessment, but the real reason was to ski an incredible mountain that I have only looked upon during the snowless summer and longingly wished that someday I could slide it's wintery slopes. That wish came true, and it was oh so worth it! The key points from this little foray into Wyoming skiing:

Jackson Hole has some of the best in-bounds terrain and the sweetest back country terrain I have ever skied. Every run had some huge cliff to huck or steep pitch to tackle. I will always defend my homeland Utah and our amazing snow, but only the Bird, Alta, and The Basin can even come close to comparing for terrain. The mountain is literally a snowballs throw away from Grand Teton National Park after all. We skied the mountain on our first day there, and had to take the test the next day, but still got lots of time to free ski.


This is the view from the top of the tram looking west.


The view looking south, Grand Tetons.

I got to ski and stay with this guy. His name is AJ. He is good, very good. Sponsored by Volkl good. It was fun to ski with someone that much better than me again, it always helps my own skiing.

This is AJ on the trail map cover.

This is the view from his house where we stayed in Teton Village.

The Apres ski life in Jackson is much more happening than at Canyons. Much younger and way more alcoholic too. For example, one of the days we were there was the annual beer slide competition. You slide a beer mug across a table to a teammate who has to catch and chug it before running to other side to slide the next mug. Bonus points are awarded for sweet tricks and handle catches. The only girl team won, it was hilarious...and would have been completely taboo in Utah. The gratuitous cleavage may have swayed the judges in their favor though...

Beer slide competition at the base of the tram.

I do not however condone this type of alcoholic consuming behavior. In fact, the whole trip was another self conviction of why I don't drink. The only thing the guys I was with did, besides ski, was drink. It was mildly humorous but on a whole mostly obnoxious. I have no problem with being the DD and an occasional bar, but I don't think a serious drinker and I could really be BFFs.

I have always wanted to try and move to Jackson, and this little trip reaffirmed that desire. It's a very cool town and the vibe around Teton Village is really fun, not to mention the awesome mountain and surfable rafting river. I am more determined than ever to make it happen. My previous plan of living in a tent is completely socially accepted. I will however, have to grow a grizzly beard and get a large dog if I ever want to completely fit in.

Like these people...

I am a very careful driver when it comes to speeding. Long ago I learned that horrendous insurance and ticket prices just weren't worth getting to the red light 30 seconds faster. So I try very hard not to do it. Which is why getting pulled over and ticketed on the way to Jackson is so frustrating. The ONE time on the whole four hour drive that I was speeding...and boom, ticket. I'm not complaining, I know it's against the law to speed and I'm glad there are cops to enforce that. I'm just annoyed that at the one tiny stretch of straight road in that canyon I happen to speed past a waiting officer... Oh well.

I learned a new word... Steezy. I couldn't tell at first if being "steezy" was a good or a bad thing. The way the hip kids I was with were using it to describe others made it difficult to decipher. After an urban dictionary definition I am still not sure...

Steezy:

describes a skier/snowboarder bum who wears tall tee's, baggy snowpants (usually of the neon variety), and bandanas. Hangs out in the park all day with other steezy riders.

There is also another definition that describes it more as a style of skiing/riding that I rather prefer. It involves skiing with STYLE and making it look EASY....STEEZY. I use the word quite frequently now.

GOOD Steezy

BAD Steezy

Oh yeah... I also passed my ski exam while I was there! Yay me!

My score sheet. Just barely made it

2011-03-08T17:12:00.000-08:00

Dear Facebook people. Please "like" this photo I took today of one of my students in ski school after he fell in the powder, it was hilarious! I win a watch or something... You have to add them (Utah Outside) as friends first though... Thanks!

Click HERE to go to Utah Outsides' facebook page and "like" it.

Work today was awesome! Knee deep on me, thigh deep on them. I love my job...

The Goings On.

2011-03-05T18:29:00.000-08:00

So I've been told that you don't read my blog because the things I write are too long. So instead of writing about the goings on of late, I will just show you. To all of you with short attention spans like me...you're welcome. For all the things I didn't take pictures of, you will live on only in my memory. Enjoy.

Tauna and I went go-kart racing! I totally lapped her twice!

Lane and Tara got hitched! So we did this...

Tubing at Soldier Hollow!

Did you know that there is FOOD at Ikea?! What a big fun store!

This was our snowshoeing adventure in Logan Canyon.

We blew up some stuff. And tried to get Reed stuck in the mud.

Grizzlies game!

Just one of my classes from the Ski Utah program.

Tauna's first ski lesson! She rocked.

On a windy day at The Canyons we didn't want to bother so we went up Parleys somewhere to ride some rails, then this crazy group drove by.

The annual super bowl party at my sister's house.

Shredding with Tera and Dread Jake. Tera is super steezy in her onezy.

Midge and I hiked to Donut Falls! Then slid back down on my shovel.

Pizza party at the neighbors house! Mmmm, pizza.

Rachel, Midge, and I went snowshoeing up one of the Forks in Big Cottonwood. We halted the hike on account of Midge's pending death and built a snow cave instead. Super Cozy!

Also, trying to get pictures and text into a blog is super un-user friendly. Life goes on.

Maui 2010. Season 2 video teaser.

2011-02-27T11:24:00.000-08:00

Maui 2010. Season 2 video teaser. from LoPpsided on Vimeo.

Dr. D and the Cheese Whiz.

2011-02-26T14:31:00.000-08:00

I'll try to keep the purpose of my blog alive here...SKIING! Oh man. Today is the first day I haven't skied in two weeks. (and looking out my window at all that new snow is making me seriously doubt my decision not to) But I'm beat and really needed this day off. Here's the best part about my two week ski marathon...I got paid to do it! And I got paid very well! Presidents day weekend and the days surrounding it is the busiest time of year for ski school, so I had to work my regular schedule plus my days off. And though I'm exhausted...I'm pretty stoked about that. For the entire two weeks I had clients that we're wicked good skiers, and for the most part they all just wanted to learn how to ski in Utah's famous soft powder! Oh I cannot describe the delight. Powder runs and face shots day after day, it was so great! Some of my clients were serious VIPs too. And they had requested me to be there coach. Filthy rich VIP + requested private lessons x deep powder days = A very happy Dallon with a newly bulging wallet. I can't believe the money those people through around. Let me tell you how these people roll. First of all, the ski school manager pulls me into his office to assure I'm on my best behavior, then I had to pick up my client (a 14 year daughter) at the Waldorf Astoria (which is definitely no Motel 6) where I am greeted by the Hotel Manager and the President of Guest services, both of whom implore me to do a good job. In the lobby someone even wiped my dripping nose for me. When I dropped daughter off with parents at the lodge, they had a table reserved for them and a server waiting. Have you been in a ski lodge before? Then you know that there is no such thing as reservations and servers, it's a mad house and every man is on his own. Not these people. This went on for three days, and at the end of every half day private lesson where I just skied with Lauren from England on my favorite powder runs, dad would slip me a Franklin! I never asked why they were so VI, but they were VNP (very nice people) as well, so it was great. I had several other private lessons and several children's group lessons. All my kids lessons were black and blue level skiers, so it was more of the powdery steeps for me! All these kids were awesome too. I got to ski with most of them every day, keeping my classes pretty much in tact, a large number of them were British and none were rubbish! I honestly had so much fun with those kids. Thanks to crazy little Cole, I am now fondly known as Dr. D, due to his efforts everyone is calling me that now. And thanks to adorable Sofia, we were all known as Dr. D and the Cheese Whiz. Kids are so hilarious! Yesterday, at the end of my 14 day marathon I will admit that I was nearing the end of my patience and abilities to entertain 9 year olds, and I may have gotten a bit crabby. But at the end of the day when little Jimmy chewed out his mom for not giving me a big enough tip because I am "the best ski coach ever!" then giving me a big hug and actually crying when he had to leave, just totally made it all worth it. Thanks Jimmy, hope to see you again next year! I love my life!

Paul, Me, and Jimmy

VIP Lauren

VGS Lauren (Very Good Skier)

Less Than Jake

2011-02-24T15:43:00.000-08:00

I mentioned that I listened to my MP3 the other day, and it reminded me of the good old days. What I didn't mention is the thought that came to my mind while listening was that music these days just isn't as good as it used to be. This made me realize two things, first was that I'm old, the other was that I'm not that old and I really wanted to go skank it up in a pit at a concert! So when my brother called to tell me that one of my all time favorite bands whom I had only seen once in concert (and I was about 500 yards from stage packed in with thousands of other stinky kids at a warped tour years and years ago) were coming to town, I got pretty stoked. I had reservations at first, things like: "I'll be the oldest guy there!" and "Oh man I'm going to be so sore afterwards." But I took my girly pants off and in the spirit of my new personal anti-boredom campaign, I bought tickets. And it was awesome! It'd been way too long since I'd been to a concert. I missed the thumping bass drum, the flashing lights, the sore feet, the stinky B.O., and the rebellious kids with their ska patches and checkerboard ties. My feet hurt, my ears were ringing, and some weird drunk girl wouldn't leave me alone, but that all didn't matter because I was at a ska show! And as it turned out, just about everyone their was a washed up ska kid from the 90's, just like me. Thanks Less Than Jake for reminding me how much I love a good ska/punk show and keeping me young! (even if I didn't punch and kick in the pit with my doc martens on!)

In the last 7 days...

2011-02-17T15:14:00.000-08:00

My saddest moment was when I ran out of sugar puffs.
I baked Heath chip cookies, from scratch then gave them away.
My best friend was Brockwell, age 4, from Florida. (He's on the left in the photo atop my blog)
I skied 7 times.
I fixed my phone with dental floss.
My happiest moment was watching Midge accept my cinnamon challenge, and failing.
I doorbell ditched my neighbors.
I bought a plant.
My best meal was a plate of very pretty, very dead, very raw...fish.
I took 5 showers.
My most giddy moment was seeing fireworks and pretending they were for me.
I spent almost $1000, but got nothing new, well, except for the plant.
My biggest surprise was when I discovered my left eyebrow is retarded.
I only watched 14 surfing videos on you tube. This one was my favorite.
I listened to my MP3 player and the songs reminded me of high schoo1.
A turtle scared me.
I remembered that it was valentines day.
My car got cleaned.
I gave my neighbors cookies.
I updated my MP3 player.
I played with legos.
I babysat again...it was just like last time.
I bought Less Than Jake tickets.

My new plant!

My first batch of cookies EVER!

So pretty, so dead, so raw.

I have a new calling.

2011-02-11T19:03:00.000-08:00

The Driftwood Files: Smooth Like James

2011-02-11T12:08:00.000-08:00

Driftwood manor backyard show.

Mojos in Ogden

Probably one of the greatest consequences of the creation of Driftwood Manor was the creation of Smooth Like James. SLJ was our band. That's right, we had our own band! It all started when we realized that among the residents of Driftwood we had the talent and equipment necessary for a band. So we just started jamming one day. Goofing around really, and it was so much fun!

5 folding tables = one awesome stage.

Peach Days in Brigham City

   It started like this:
Bass:      Guitar:      Piano: Guitar:     Drums:     Vocals:
Dallon    Reed         Trevor                Spicer       anyone

Then it changed to this:
Bass:      Guitar:      Piano: Guitar:     Drums:     Vocals:
Adam    Reed         Trevor                Jon           Dallon
Adam    Reed             Benny        Josh          Dallon
Rick       Reed             Benny        Levi          Dallon

So at one point or another, these are the members of Smooth Like James: Dallon Williams, Reed Capener, Trevor Jackson, Ben Spicer, Adam Taylor, Jon Cook, Josh Law, Benny Johnson, Rick, and Levi Phippen.

I have added links to their facebook pages, in case you want to be creepy.

After the original line up. Adam Taylor moved in and was conveniently a bass player. Well not convenient for me, cuz that bumped me to vocals. Which I did NOT like, more on that later. Then Spicer moved out and in his place moved in Jon Cook. Also a drummer. Convenient. This was the lineup for our first show. Then Jon got married so the first non resident joined the band, Adam's friend (now everyones friend) Josh Law took over on drums. This is how it stayed for a long time until Trevor got married. So we only had to look within the walls of the manor to find Benny, a kick-a guitarist. This started the first big re-haul of the band and re-write of songs without the piano. It pretty much stayed that way until we had our first little fallout. Due to Josh leaving for China, and a broken collar, and other lameness, we were done for a bit. Then, completely randomly, we got invited to play another show, so we quickly recruited Levi Phippen and his pal Rick, re-learned all the songs and played the show. From that show we got invited to do another, and another, and another and the reunion tour was on! It was a great time! Finally though, life caught up to everyone and we were done. We had played shows all over Utah with bands from all over the country. Some bands of note are: Dropsonic, Royal Bliss, The Monikers, Blind Iris, Love You Long Time, Woodly Bog and so many more I can't think of them! We played small private events, house parties, huge university events, battle of the bands comps., athletic events, coffee shops, concert venues, and just about any other venue you could think of. One time we played a show at a sorority party, then at a battle of the bands in one night! We recorded a CD, even though it was in our early days and we ended up being a much different band than that. We printed t-shirts and at one point we were looking at record labels. We were a very mixed group as far as what our personal influences were, which honestly made it

hard at times, but also made us that much more diverse. Song writing was a little backwards for us, the guys would come up with a tune, and I'd come up with lyrics for that tune, and we'd play with till it worked. Which was probably my only real contribution, because I sure as heck couldn't sing! Man I sucked! I do feel I got better at singing as we went along but better still equaled really really bad. Shoots, the ward choir didn't even want me. My favorite story is when we were at a show and I overhead a conversation that went like this:

Kid 1, "I really like this place, but for some reason they keep having that Smooth Like James band play here."

Kid 2, "That's because the guys in that band run this place." (more on Driftwood Venue in another post)

Kid 1, " Oh really? Well I really like the band's music, but every time I hear that kid sing it makes me want to shoot myself in the head!"

Kid 2, "Be carefull man they are all still here!"

Dallon, "Hey come on man, I am definitely not worth shooting yourself! I know I suck, we're just doing it for fun you know!"

Kid 1, complete awkward star struck silence. He apologized the next day on the bands myspace page. I thought the whole thing was hilarious and ran and told everyone! We all knew I sucked, but my good friends didn't care. Besides, I had a pretty good stage presence! And apparently my stage presence was enough for some to make up for my crappy singing, because those three years in this band also directly correlates with the easiest most successful time I've EVER had...with the ladies! Giggity! Being in a band was definitely had direct effects on our popularity, and I loved ever second of it! In Logan, for at least a little while...we were kind of a big deal! I honestly can't remember a more confident time in my life. The whole thing was very good to me. I think it was for all of us too. Adam still performs in bands, but I think all the rest of us are retired from the rock star profession.

This was one of our very first shows. We weren't good.

We made a music video. Kinda.

This was a party we had to celebrate our one year anniversary. This is in our backyard.

Master Chef Dallon!

2011-02-09T17:40:00.000-08:00

Not Chief, you Halo nerds... So I'm getting kind of restless. This is nothing new really, I often get restless. The difference now though is that I struggle to find an outlet for my restlessness. In the past I could ease the tension on my boredom simply by calling one of the fellas or peeps and go on some random usually legal adventure. Times have changed and I am now forced to find new avenues of boredom fighting. So, I have expanded my horizons and loosened my standards and I am embarking on a quest to find new hobbies, learn new skills, go on new adventures large or small, and overcome this restless plague. This mental list I have created for myself may include things like: Learn how to juggle, peruse the craigslist "free" section and find a treasure, get to the top of one of downtown's skyscrapers, sing and play my uke on the street for some pocket change, paint something, build a dresser, make a music video, turn toilet water into jello, do a cartwheel, or... learn how to cook stuff. To name a few.

So, in the spirit of my name game...yesterday, I did this!

I mentioned some stuff about bread here. Then my friend Jill mentioned a recipe she had for bread, also here. Then Jill posted her recipe on her blog for me here. Then last night...I made some bread. It's super yummy! Anyone that knows me, knows cooking is not one of my 3 fortes. I burn, or in some other creative way, ruin everything I try to cook. I am horribly impatient when it comes to cooking, so I will always find something else to do while waiting for the cooking to be done, then, indubitably, I will forget about it until I can smell the smoke, or until I find it 2 days later all cold and gross in the microwave where I left it. Cooking for my lonesome is tough, so much time and effort when I can just go to a dollar menu, besides, home cooking would probably destroy my figure. Not even frozen food, tv dinners, or boxed meals of the mac and cheese variety can withstand my kitchen handicaps. So...this was actually the very first time in my entire life that I have purchased and used ANYTHING from the baking goods isle. And not ruining it is a very blog worthy accomplishment! I feel empowered and engorged with culinary confidence! Thanks Jill! And thank you Tauna for the supervision and cooking tools!

Anyone else have something fun, creative, random, adventurous, dangerous, illegal, scary, funny, exciting, or in any way not lame for me to do? Let me know! I'm in a mood.

Also, apparently my blog activity is directly correlated with my level of boredom. Lame.

The Driftwood Files. Beginnings.

2011-02-08T17:10:00.000-08:00

A recent slap of nostalgia has prompted me to write a bit about my life in college, of which 75% consists completely of my time at Driftwood Manor. So I'll just focus on that part.

This is Driftwood Manor. It is in Logan. Yes, it was kinda pink...

It all started with a dream I had in high school that me and all my bff's would live together in college. At first it didn't quite turn out that way as we all somehow picked different schools, no school, or missions. But on my mission I plotted my dream into reality and when I got home I immediately started looking for a place to fit all 7 of us. And came across this place. Picked mostly because the landlord turned a cheek to the zoning laws that made it very illegal for 7 of us to live there, and the next 4 years were history. I'm not sure who or when the name Driftwood Manor started but on close inspection the house looked like it was made of driftwood. The place soon became legendary. It became a city hub for parties, concerts, movies, the tunnel of love, ski jumping, spaceship rides, and much much more. All of which will be blogged about because you all need to know how awesome I used to be!

For now though, here is a little bit more about the Manor, and it's residents:

The original crew except Bret.

The Nessie Alliance. (2nd gen. residents)

The ratios were usually pretty good.

We had a pool!

The infamous annual roof skiing! Wow, we sucked, but that didn't matter!

Driftwood Manor came with pool table, air hockey, arcade games, outdoor drive in theatre, wrap around porch. At one time the manor actually consisted of the Main Manor, Chickwood Manor, and Littlewood Manor. It was used as a full concert venue, and was investigated for eviction three times, all failures. In the almost 4 years I lived there, I had over 30 different roommates, and up to 9 lived there at one time. It was the best time of my life. I can think of at least 3 marriages that are linked to the house. A band was formed, a concert venue was created, friendships that I will always have and some that I don't really care to ever have again...all because of Driftwood Manor. It was the most fun place to be. If I wanted to meet new people, I would just go home. There were always people there, and always something to do there. Rent for the entire house was only $700, and there was always at least 7 of us in there. I'm pretty sure my grandmas window shades, and couch are still there.

Visits from Isildurs Heir.

Kenny's bed.

So, I will now sporadically write posts about Driftwood Manor, they are...The Driftwood Files.

Cocktails and concubines.

2011-02-06T22:53:00.000-08:00

I couldn't stay awake all day today, now lying (laying?) in bed I can't sleep. Lame.

So, story time it is. This is a story about my very first day working on the cocktail cruise as a bartender/cocktail waiter. First of all, in my non-drinker naivety, I was apparently making all the drinks WAY too strong. Although the "strength" of a drink is very subjective. The fellas thought it was great, the ladies thought I was doing it on purpose for evil intentions. Really I just didn't have a clue what I was doing. I still don't know what the crap triple sec is. Anyways, that's all irrelevant to the story. There is this barbie and ken couple on the boat, they were very obviously in honeymoon bliss and wanted me to take a picture of them. So I obliged. I posed them in front of the beautiful Maui sunset and took a few pictures. Then I recommended that they hold their hands up together in the shape of a heart in front of the setting sun and she just loved that so much. So...we spent the next 15 minutes coming up with fun, sexy, crazy poses for these two love birds. It was kinda fun; silly drunk people do anything I tell them! Then this cleavage clad lady wanted a picture with me so hubby took the camera. We got posed right in front of the sunset just perfect and I put on my best bartender smile when blondy in love grabbed my cheeks and wet my lips with all she had! I didn't even have time to resist, (which I wouldn't have if I did) She latched on while her husband started clicking like the paparazzi at Justin and Selena's prom! Oh man! giggity giggity! I felt violated, used, taken advantage of...and it was hilariously awesome! I wish I could have been there the next morning when in a hungover stupor the new groom turns on the camera and sees his wife making out with some complete stranger! Oh man, that was just the first day! I could go on and tell stories about the lady that tried to get up on the railing to dance and when I ran over to pull her down to avoid a man overboard scenario she took off her underoos and showed me her lady stuff in appreciation. Or the crazy indian man that told Tera they could make beautiful babies and proceeded to chase her around the boat until she hid in the bilge tank. Or the lady that came on board doped up on pain meds and trapped me behind the bar and started licking my face. But I'm getting tired now, so I'll try to sleep again. Drunk people crack me up, and remind me every time why I'm so glad I don't drink!

Really important things that matter to everyone!

2011-02-03T21:16:00.000-08:00

I really miss Bulgarian bread. Every morning we would go downstairs to the bakery (sometimes alone!, don't tell prez.) and pick out a soft warm loaf. It was SO delicious. Our bread is pretty weak in comparison. I'm sure I could find some good fresh bread here somewhere, but it's not in the basement of the building I live in... By the end of the day the loaf would be hard. No preservatives. But that was ok, we would just make Lyoutinitsa Pizza! The next day, we'd go get a new loaf. I miss that.

I am really hungry right now. But I really didn't want to cook any of my gross boxed meals. However, I am really enjoying this bowl of marshmallow mateys! I really wish I had more motivation to learn how to cook, and then...to actually cook. I do enjoy using my George Foreman though! Thanks Reed. Epilogue: my roommate James is now joining me for some mateys. He drinks whole milk. And his photography professor is dumb, so he says. I hope he doesn't think it's rude that I'm typing while he is talking to me.

Everyone around my new place goes to bed at 9. Is that weird to anyone else? James and I just got in trouble for talking too loud... I am going to a new singles ward right now. I have some pretty strong opinions on singles wards but I'll save that. This new one, doesn't seem that bad though. And I'm getting a lot of "new guy" attention. Which I have to admit, is kind of fun. It feels a lot like when I have really long gross hair, and then I cut it missionary short, that kind of attention. Like I'm suddenly less of societal menace. This ward went to a Grizzlies game the other night. We lost, but it was fun. In addition to being the new guy, I was apparently also the only person in the ward (or the stadium that night) who knew anything about hockey. As was evident by my proudly touted Grizzlies jersey. You know how when you make a dumb joke, and a pretty girl laughs so suddenly you feel empowered to make all the stupid jokes in the world and everyone will laugh at them? Well the hockey game was kinda like that. I yelled a few times, danced like an idiot on the jumbotron, and generally made a lot of unnecessary noise...and everyone seemed to love it, so naturally I kept going. Afterward I felt like a complete burro. But at least everyone knows I was there. I felt like I was in college again!

How is it that I can still see a picture of someone I know on vacation in Hawaii and still feel jealous? I really wish that I was one of those people that just up and leave for two months to some far away, exotic, politically and physically dangerous land and come back with dreadlocks and new outlooks. They always have awesome pictures and amazing stories. I get so jealous of people that get to travel the world and have amazing adventures! How do they afford that by the way? I want to do so many things that it often gets so overwhelming. Backpack Europe, ride a bike from Alaska to Argentina, raft the Amazon, discover a new tomb in Egypt, climb a tower at Angkor Wat, swim with sharks on the great barrier reef, surf all of Polynesia, ski the Alps, and go to Boise! Then my pictures album screen saver comes on, and I remember all the people who are jealous of me. Still though, Machu Picchu!

It's about 0 degrees outside, and there is some type of small flying nat buzzing my head right now. Shouldn't he be in some larva form in the peet moss right now? No matter how many times I smack the thing it doesn't die! Really annoying. Speaking of 0 degrees, the past few days at work have been brutal! I'm talking legitimate frostbite danger brutal. The parents of those children in ski school have no souls...

Hi. I'm Dallon. I'm a Mormon.

2011-02-01T19:02:00.000-08:00

The church that I belong to is Called the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Most of the world refers to members of my church as 'Mormons'. This is because we believe in a book of scripture called "The Book of Mormon, Another Testament of Jesus Christ" in addition to our belief in the Bible.

I was recently reading an article in a magazine that my church produces about the website www.mormon.org that has a feature where regular members of our church can create small profiles introducing themselves to whomever would like to learn more about people who are Mormons. The article and the website have made me think of personal experiences in my life when I meet people and they are curious about my religion. For some reason there have been lots of new little bullets on my visitors map (right side of my blog) from all over the world so I wanted to introduce myself to anyone who might be interested or mildly curious.

I have spent the majority of my life in Utah where the center for the church is. There aren't very many people in Utah who don't know about Mormons, but I also spend a majority of my time living in other places in the world where I meet many people who know very little about my faith. One of the most common phrases I hear from friends after they learn that I am Mormon is, "But your normal!". I usually take this as a compliment and a bit of laughter. Because, well...it's true! As you can also find on mormon.org, us Mormons are just regular people, we do regular things, and we don't have horns, or shrink heads, or have 11 wives. I am not sure what people expect when they meet a mormon, but apparently it's not a normal person! In some regards however, I guess we are not normal. The first things that usually stands out about me is that I don't drink alcohol, coffee, smoke, or use any kind of drug. My friends who do not share my faith though find this very useful as I can always be the designated driver! Another thing that has often set me apart, is my behavior on Sundays. I believe that Sunday is a day set aside to honor and worship my Savior by attending church services, focusing on spiritual matters, and limiting wordly activities. I treat Sundays as a day of rest and worship. So I probably won't go surfing or skiing on a Sunday. These things are preached as part of the Gospel of Jesus Christ who is the founder and leader of my church. There are many many topics I could choose to talk about concerning my faith and religion but I would refer you to these websites for more information on that.

www.mormon.org and www.lds.org

But I would just like to say, that as the name of the church implies, us mormons, and I as well, believe 100% that Jesus Christ lives, is our Savior, Lord and Christ. That the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is His church, restored again to the earth. And it is through Him that I have found so much peace, love, and happiness in my life. One other standout trait people have noticed in me is my constant happiness despite regardless of life's' circumstances, and this happiness of mine holds it's roots firmly in my memberhsip in the LDS church, and my faith in my Savior Jesus Christ!

So I'm not trying to push my religion on anyone, I'm just inviting you to learn more if you are interested, and to help anyone understand a little better that if you meet a mormon, you probably don't have to turn and run! In fact, you could easily make a really good friend!

Go here to meet more Mormons like me!

My New Chucks!

2011-01-29T21:29:00.000-08:00

Follow this link to check out the shoes I just created on Converse.com.

The Joys of Parenthood.

2011-01-26T19:22:00.000-08:00

I had supervised all the activities upstairs until I felt confident that all was in a state of calm and order and that it was safe to find refuge in the basement where I settled into the couch and turned on the Jazz game. In my mind the last hour of mayhem that I had strategically maneuvered through entitled me to some quiet time, a time for me to relax and enjoy a peaceful evening. I deserved this, that last hour was hard work! Usually after a hard day of teaching America's youth how to shred some pow pow I'm all tuckered out and look forward to an evening where "I spy with my little eye" and Spongebob aren't the main topics of conversation. So settling in to watch this Jazz game (though it's currently a frustrating activity) is quite a normal activity for my bachelor lifestyle. Alas, tonight is not a regular night... Some seconds after arranging the love-seat, pillows, icy beverage and remote, I heard a loud crash from up the stairs. "Ah nuts" I muttered under my breath as I ran upstairs to confront the disaster...

Child one was luckily still in a state of computer game induced coma, oblivious to all things around him. All ok here. So on to the next room I go. No comatose children here! Child two is standing above the couch, a strange look on his face. "What's wrong?" I asked. "I just threw up" child two exclaimed. I noticed the chunky pool of masticated dinner on the couch, and it's not just on the couch, it's right between the cushions, all squished and oozing down between them. Lovely... Child three is also nearby. She however, is completely in the buff. Full on birthday suit. Her little pull ups are sitting on the floor, next to her other items of clothing. She is very proud of herself however. After all, she just used the big girl potty! This is great news right!? Well it should be, but for all the pee pee that made it into the tiny plastic potty, twice that much is on the carpet and child three's legs. (still not sure why the training potty is on the middle of the living room floor?) Ok, no big deal. I've dealt with pee at work. A little more awkward is the naked child part... After cleaning up the throw up, and the pee pee, I chased the birthday girl around for awhile trying to get some clothes on her. She is having a great time giggling as she makes about 7 house-laps. This is when I discover the original cause of the crash that brought me upstairs in the first place. The pantry (that used to have childproof doorknob thingy on it that I couldn't ever get past) is open and on the floor is a smattering of crackers, raisins, chips, animal crackers, and some weird sticky thing I never could identify. Don't forget, I was only downstairs for 47 seconds!

If you haven't figured it out yet, tonight I babysat my sister's kids. I love these kids very much, but I tell you what. Parenthood is tough! I sometimes get these brief glimpses into that joy, and every time I do I am very humbled. Every second is devoted to them. You don't get to do anything for yourself. Preparing food that they don't even eat, cleaning up the food, and their faces, and the dishes, keeping them entertained, keeping them from killing each other, keeping them from killing themselves, saving the household valuables, cleaning up body fluids, choosing which battles are worth fighting, trying to figure out which children the fluids came from and why, trying to interpret what baby is trying to tell me, getting them to brush their teeth, put on jammies, go to bed, I could go on and on and on. Not to mention things that regular parents probably know that I have no clue about. Like which side of the diaper is the front? Which utensils do kids this age use? Should the milk be warm or cold? I'm supposed to put this thing WHERE? Do I have to sing a lullaby, and does a Vampire Weekend song count? What is a blatta? Can she eat this? Where the heck are the adult utensils? But, most of you probably know exactly what I'm talking about and you're just nodding your head and smiling at my male bachelor naivety. I really do feel like one of the guys in those movies where the young playboy bachelor suddenly has to take care of some child and it's just a complete disaster i.g. Big Daddy. Mind you, I have yet to place newspapers under the child, but...I would probably make them wear swimsuits during bath time!

So this all being said, I would like to express my appreciation to my parents, and my older siblings, for dealing with my extricated bodily fluids and naked tantrums, because this is hard work and I have NO idea how you can do this all day every day! You have my respect, gratitude, and admiration, but for now, I'll take my role as the fun uncle and job as a children ski instructor where at the end of the day, I get to give the children back to mom and dad...thank you very much!

Famous people.

2011-01-23T17:51:00.000-08:00

So it's a star studded week at my place of employment. The Sundance Film festival is this week in Park City and apparently that means that there are lots of movie stars all over the place. I say apparently because I would have no idea. I've never tried to participate in any way in this film festival on account of I'm not that interested in movies that people make to try and prove that they are edgier or more artistically endowed than everyone else, and I couldn't care even more less about "celebrities". All I know is that I have to wake up an extra 20 minutes early and get home 30 minutes later every day this week because traffic is so bad. Really people, if you want to see a celebrity so badly just watch a netflix movie because I can guarantee you that the characters they play are way more cordial and interesting than they are in real life. What's the deal with this country's obsession with celebrities anyway? Are our lives really so uninteresting that we have to salivate over someone else's? There really isn't that big of difference on the slopes because of the festival, but I do hear the rumors of which famous people are enrolled in ski school for the day, but I am sworn on my first born to not tell you who is here at the moment for their own privacy. I can tell you this though...Justin Timberlake is a lousy snowboarder, A.C. Slater on the other hand, is quite the ripper! Too bad Screech and Zach aren't here though...

If you are interested in a much more entertaining film festival though, check out the Go Pro X-Dance Action Sports Film Festival. Learn more here.

Things that must go.

2011-01-23T17:45:00.000-08:00

On my way to work in the mornings I sometimes listen to the Radio From Hell show on X96. They have a feature sometimes called "Things that must go" where you can send in your list of things that must go. I have never done it but I always think about my list when I hear it. Here is my list of things, that must go:

Magazines that have 28 pages of ads before the page with the table of contents, then only putting the dang page numbers on every 17th page making it nearly impossible to EVER find the story from the cover page that you want to read.
Any magazine about "celebrities" in general.
Snowboarders and skiers that still think it's cool to wear their snowboard pants down around their knees with some sort of super long shirt under their coat that hangs out the bottom and covers their butt instead of pants. Seriously...Why?
Any shirt, bumper sticker, or other logo with some obscene word or phrase on it but missing just one letter from the obscenity, leaving out one letter doesn't make it less obnoxious.
Utahans that have never left Utah for an extended period of time. (as in, you must go somewhere else for a little while, then you can come back)
People who talk badly of law enforcement officers. Go live somewhere where there aren't any and see how you like it!
Mean people... Just go away.
Rich people at ski resorts that think they are entitled in some excessive way like the guy in the Armani one piece jump suit who skied passed my 6 year old student who had just fallen down and yelled at us that we were in a bad place to stop. Well sir, you are going way to fast for this area where visibility is poor and if you hit either of us I'm going to break your hip!
My boss that can spot from 3/4 mile away that I didn't shave this morning. Jobs that make me shave. And...shaving in general.
Popped collars, abercrombie and fitch, baseball caps over ears and on sideways, skinny jeans, new pants with holes in them,
3D movies
The Jazz loosing streak.
TyPinG LiKe ThIS.
People who cross the street whenever and wherever they want and make obscene gestures when they almost get ran over.
Anyone under the age of 21 using ANY form of social networking.

"My Type"

2011-01-17T20:48:00.000-08:00

Someone asked me recently what my "type" was, in reference to females that I would like to date. It was a difficult question that I couldn't really answer. So lately I've been thinking a little bit about that, and those of you that know me, will understand that this is a big step forward for me. (assuming anyways that you believe dating IS a step forward) Reaching the age I am at and not yet knowing what qualities in the opposite gender to look for is kind of sad...unless of course you remember, that I've never really looked. They kinda always found me, until the latter years anyways...

So I figure that a good place to start would be to figure out what my "type" is, at least in more specific details than "a soccer playing ski chick" which has pretty much been my standard thus far. So, after hours and hours of kind-of thinking about this I have figured it out. My type of girl is this: "a soccer playing, ski chick that surfs!"

I'm well on my way folks!

Ok, for my sisters' sake I'll be a little more specific. I am defining "type" quite loosely. Meaning that things like being a female, being LDS and all that entails, and in general being not lame...are all items of a different category. "Type" does not include beliefs, standards, personality, or general character. A "type" is a person of a specified kind. Which means my type, really is several types. So...

My type:

Is into skiing or snowboarding and can do it reasonably well.
Thinks surfing is fun and can do it reasonably well.
Enjoys playing soccer and can do it reasonably well.
Has fun doing a variety of outdoor activities.
Couldn't care less who the bachelor picks, who the next top model is, or how long her eyelashes are.
Likes Maaji Swimwear. or possibly a model for that brand.

In other words...My type is someone LIKE ME! That's an amazing concept isn't it...

(well, except the Maaji swimear part, that would just be a bonus!) And honestly, none of these are necessarily required, just general guidelines. And being "like me" is slightly more involved than surfing, skiing, and soccer...not much though.

Listen to New Finds and Current Favorites

2011-01-17T16:42:00.001-08:00

2010 Year in Review.

2011-01-07T17:20:00.000-08:00

I guess I'll follow the blogger cliche and write about my year past. Not necessarily because I think that there are hordes of people out there that care, but because writing in this blog has in some ways replaced my journal writing and my prosperity just needs to know how I spent my time in the year 2010.

So here I go...
To put it quite bluntly and simply, 2010 was almost exactly like 2009. I started the new year working at the Canyons in Park City, around April when the ski season was over I moved back to Maui, and now at the end of the year I am working at the Canyons in Park City. The circle of life my friends! Ok...obviously there is a little more to it than that. How about a bulleted list?! Ok go!

IN 2010:

I finished my second and started my third year as a ski instructor. I love this job, I get to ski everyday while helping others learn to enjoy the snowy mountains as much as I do. I know most of you think it's ski bums way to get a season pass, and yes of course that's what it is. But it's also the greatest job in the world that happens to be my career path and happens to be a dang good one. Boo the haters.
Speaking of awesome jobs. Because I'm a ski instructor, I got to go to Maui for 7 months and work on a boat! On this boat we did snorkel trips, cocktail cruises, and whale watching tours. It is a fully benefited position that pays more than I need and shoots, I work on a boat!
I was a snorkel instructor.
I refined my knowledge of what matters, and what doesn't.
I was the 1st mate on Kaulana of Maui.
I only lived at 3 addresses.
I was a bartender and cocktail waiter/entertainer (ask for details)
I became a national D license certified soccer coach.
I became a Pacific marine mammal expert and certified naturalist.
I saw fully breaching whales, and got paid for it.
I handed out cookies to bikini hotties...every day.
I got scuba certified.
I surfed double overhead at Honolua Bay.
I got a shortboard.
I turned 28 years old
I became an uncle again.
I had a crush on a girl.
I got into whole new genres of music.
I realized I'm old, and didn't care.
I played and sang songs for people, even though I still can't sing.
Song #27 in my playlist up there was my ringtone for the entire year, and for the rest of time, I will look for my phone when I hear it.
Speaking of my phone, I went through 5 different ones during the year.
I tried something I that I used to swear I'd never do and thought people that did that were super weirdos.
My hair was more long than it ever has been, and blonder too.
I won a triathlon.
I surfed both sides of the Pacific.
I went to every Hawaiian island they'll let you go to.
I used America's next top toilet.
I swam with dolphins, in the wild, three times.
I flew in a helicopter.

In 2011 I want/plan to:

Move to New Zealand.
Kiss someone in the rain.
Become Level 2 certified.
Reach half way to becoming boat captain.
Gap a road.
Finally go to Havasupai.
Hike down to Kalauapapa and Napali.

This post is a work in progress...

This is what happens when I sit down to write, and don't feel like writing...

2011-01-01T22:30:00.000-08:00

2010. Is gone.

2011. Is here.

Nothing has changed.

This is ok.

Life is stellar.

And I...am super stoked.

I wish you all a year full of warm fuzzies and silly moments!

Final days fun.

2010-12-18T17:04:00.000-08:00

So I have only been working whale watching trips for the last few weeks. No more snorkel trips for me. I am fully naturalist trained and pretty much an expert now on the North Pacific Humpback Whales. Seriously, ask me anything. Anyways, it's pretty much the coolest thing EVER. I get paid to go cruise around the ocean several times a day and watch this:

A full breach. Took two weeks to get this shot!

And I got two in the same day!

Leaving my boat on it's mooring for the last time. Sad face.

Scuba Shaka!

backflip wave crash tide pool fun!

Under the Sea!

Diving cathedrals on Lanai.

Spinners at Lanai.

Spotted Eagle ray.

Down here it's better, here where it's wetter, under the sea!

Aloha!

Life of Late.

2010-12-08T22:05:00.000-08:00

So here is a little of what I've been up to lately, since I'm not in the writing mood, you get photos!

This is Honolua Bay. This is where I surf now that it is winter. No, these are not pictures of me. To avoid getting beat up for being "da kook wit da camera" I don't take it out there with me. So, after I got out da water today, I took these. You will just have to take my word for it that I really do surf here, and it was AWESOME!

Whale Watching! Whale season is here and my boat is now the whale watching tour boat instead of the snorkeling boat. This is pretty much the reason I am still here! The whales are awesome! I don't have any real great pictuers yet since for the first week I didn't have a camera. Yes, I lost/broke another camera. I took the last one too deep while scuba diving, it got the bends and died. So I've only had the new camera for a few days.

Don't mind my lame narration. It's my job to be excited!

This is Lahaina Harbor where I work, at dusk.

So that's it really, whale watching and surfing. Life is good. And in case anyone was wondering besides me. The Christmas songs that are played in Hawaii are the exact same ones played in snowy parts of the land. There don't seem to be any tropic weather specific Christmas songs...the songs make me home sick. But, Christmas in Maui is still awesome! I surf everyday and it's December! Sweet it is. Sweet it is. Aloha my friends!

Poseidon's Cannonball

2010-11-07T15:20:00.000-08:00

Surfing is very fickal. The waves, the reactions of 'local bruddahs', the tide, my personal abilities, etc...Read on.

(I know what you're thinking, but this isn't actually a picture of future old man Dallon.)

Recently, somewhere in the North pacific, silly King Ægir and his Goddess Ran hosted a raucous sea party and invited their friends, Poseidon, Amphitrite, Ophion, Oceanus, and Tethys. The godly party got so out of hand, and was so disruptive that they churned the seas into a titanic storm of Armageddic proportions, particularly out of control was Poseidon's giant cannonball! Thousands of miles south in the dead center of the Pacific ocean, on the most isolated island archipelago in the world, the residents of Maui reaped the sublimely powerful benefits from Poseidon's cannonball in the form of Double Overhead! Alas, the past month here on Maui has been almost as bad as last January when not an inch of frozen bliss fell on my beloved Wasatch. Not a wave bigger than a boat wake to be found...If I had a ski boat, Lake Pacific would have been perfect. I don't have a ski boat though,(Santa dropped the ball on that one) and the glassy conditions have been rather dull and depressing. There was that one little hiccup that hit the bay a few weeks ago. Which resulted in Dallon getting his first tasty treat out of the Honolua bay candy jar. It was oh so delicious. But, back to the present. Along with the cannonball swell came a small bump up from Land of the Long White Cloud sent to us by our Kiwi friends. And for the first time that I have ever seen, my little breakwall got hit with a double swell. Which made for some interesting and beautiful waves! Here at breakwall they weren't quite overhead like they were up north, but still of a size to break boards and take off bikini tops. So I had to decide between ripping my longboard or training on my shortboard. I choose to shortboard...

Tangent: I like hockey, it's probably one of my favorite sports to play. But, I learned how to ice skate well before I started playing hockey. I learned to skate by going to public skating sessions where all skaters are told to go in the same direction around the rink in a circle. Back in the good ole days no one had yet come up with the technology that enabled us to switch directions at the half way mark, so...to this day I am REALLY good at left cross overs (turning left). I am not nearly as comfy turning right. Think Mario Lemioux, Sidney Crosby, Alexander Ovechkin when I'm going left, and Billy Madison when I'm going right. (Be careful when I'm turning right, I might stab you with a skate...) Which has also translated into my skiing. I'm more comfortable turning left. I guess I'm an amby turner.

The point is, here at breakwall where I live, the waves break in a way that makes them rideable going left. (looking at the beach, you paddle, then go left) Since this is where I learned how to ride a wave, I'm really good at going left. Also I'm a goofy foot so going left is just a little more natural anyway. Today however, thanks to Poseidon's northern cannonball, the waves at Breakwall were breaking right. I have surfed rights before, never with a whole lot of success though. Until...wait for it...today! I rocked it! Well, I coraled it! (as in coral reefed it...try to keep up) Ouch. Coral is pretty to look at, not to wrestle with. Did you know that as an adult male approximately 60% of my body is water? Well it is. I know because I just googled it and everything on the internet is true. But what you can't google on the internet is how the other 40% of the soft gooey and hard stuff that my body is made of reacts while getting pounded by thousands of pounds of liquid fury. Imagine this: You are a piece of public restroom toilet paper (you know, the "gross! I just wiped with my finger!" should have tripled up, crappy, falls apart TP) and you have been sitting in the toilet getting all water logged for about two hours. Then you get flushed. What happens to you? You get sucked into oblivion and you break up into tons of little fragments. Ok, so this is how I felt today. Every wave that hit me forced me to swallow so much water that the parts of me that are all H20 decided they wanted to return to the great depths leaving the other 40% to fall apart and crumble to pieces. Right, so now you understand that waves are strong. Very strong. Add a 6 foot long piece of fiberglass and styrofoam and tie it to your ankle. Just one more blunt object for Dallon to hit his head on, or..errrr, other things. Anyways, for the first hour I was out of my league. Have you ever seen a cat in a wash machine? Neither have I. But I bet that's what I looked like. The second hour I finally figured the take of. On one take off I lost my balance and when I steadied I was heading right and ended up having a sweet ride, so the third hour was when I gave in and just started going right and got hit with the enlightenment rod of "hey dummy going right is easier on a shortboard for goofy footers". Light bulbs appeared! Then got smashed in a wave. I got about five great rides before I was too waterlogged and sore to paddle anymore. So for the fourth hour I just inconspicuously floated next to a bikini clad hottie! She never lost her top. Regardless though, it was downright spectacular day. Thanks Posiedon!

Just another day in the life of...

2010-10-08T01:08:00.000-07:00

To tell my new story, I must first learn you some new stuff. Some key points are important to understand before I can tell of my adventure. So, the first vocabulary word is mooring. A mooring is just something you tie a boat up to. For the purposes of this story, a mooring is something very heavy at the bottom of the ocean with chains or ropes attached to some big floating buoys that we grab with a hook then wrap around the cleats on the boat so it doesn't float away. Go here for a picture. A prop is the big spinny thing under the boat that makes it go vrooom! It's really just short for propeller. So, it's a big underwater fan. Got it? Good, try to keep up. It gets more difficult now. Bio-luminescence is when living things glow. For our particular purposes you will need to learn about bio-luminescent plankton, click here to learn more. Here is a video that shows it, mine was green though, not blue...read on.

Next you need to know about ocean currents. This one is kind of self explanatory so if you need help click on the link, otherwise, continue reading on. Ok, I think that covers most things that you might need to know.

So...last night was just an average cocktail cruise. Only had about 35 passengers on board. The only thing out of the ordinary was the excessive wind. After the sun had gone down and the drunkenness had reached it's apex we were heading back into the harbor when the captain asks me to come up to the wheelhouse. This is where he tells me in a quiet yet slightly elevated tone that "we hit a mooring and it's wrapped around the prop". Ah crap, is all I could think of as I hurried downstairs to change into my swimming trunks and get my snorkel gear. I always carry that stuff on all the boat trips for just such emergencies. To date I have yet to have a night time emergency, only day time get in the water emergencies. So my heart was a thumpin' somethin' fierce for sure. We set Tera on 'distract the passengers' duty. To her credit the little dance show she put on worked wonderfully as the only person on board who even seemed to notice something was amiss was the little 8 year old boy who quietly asked me, "why are you going snorkeling?" "I'm just going to make sure the dolphins are ok!" I said. Earlier that day we had dolphins following us playing in our pressure wake and the little guy was really worried that we would run one over. We opened the gate and I looked down into the ocean. Now we weren't moving, the captain had turned off the props and we were unintentionally tied up to a mooring. But when I looked into the water, it seemed as if we were going at least 10 knots (a little faster than 10 mph). The current last night was ridiculously strong. Later, even most of the captains were talking about how they haven't experienced a current that strong in years. So now I am getting into the ocean during the dead of night, under a 70 ton boat, in a 10 knot current, a two inch blade in one hand and a dying flashlight in the other...to cut a three inch line off a five foot steel prop of death. I was kinda freaked out...nothing of it though, had to be done. So I jumped in. This is when I first noticed one of the most amazing spectacles I have ever encountered. Enter...bio-luminescent plankton. Imagine laying on your back on the clearest night looking up at the stars, now take that picture and you'll have an idea of what I was looking at with my face down looking into the pitch black ocean. Tiny glowing lights, millions of them, were floating all around me, sparkling just like stars. Honestly, it was beautiful. I have seen this bio-luminescence only once before, from the beach. But it took me several seconds to remember what I was doing under a boat clinging onto a rope for dear life with a knife in my hand. I came to my senses and got to work. To remain in place without getting washed away in the current of doom I had to ditch my light (tied to my wrist) and use my left hand to hold on to the line I was trying to cut through. The first thing I noticed was that this knife was definitely inadequate. So I surfaced to tell the captain I needed a different knife. This one was a leatherman with a serrated blade. Much better. Back under the boat. Thanks coach for all those two a day workouts, I really needed that lung capacity last night. Anyways, there was so much tension on the line when I finally cut through that I got taken on a little ride, remember I was holding on to it... That was the scariest part of the night. Although sticking my arm through a prop that big with a boat full of half drunken passengers, any one of which could have thought it fun to try driving the boat and throttling up the prop, was a bit unnerving. Not to mention tiger sharks! (please click on that one and compare their description to my current circumstances.) Anyways, I made it back to the boat, (thanks again coach) just to realize we were still not loose. There was one more line to cut, so back under I went. This time though I held on to the prop itself, (I'm a quick learner) instead of the line to be cut. I could actually feel the boat jerk loose when I cut us free. This created the new danger. About 100 yards away was a sail boat on it's mooring directly down stream from us. So I had to climb up the rescue line we had been using and get on the boat before we drifted into the sail boat, I got about half way up when the captain grabbed me and pretty much threw me on deck, he then ran up to the wheelhouse to start the engines and take us to safety. Aside from a few strange looks of confusion as to why their bartender was in a swimming suit and sopping wet, still no one seemed to have a clue what had just happened. Sweet moves Tera, sweet moves. I dried off and went about the business of the cocktail cruise. Crisis averted, danger surpassed. The only casualty of the night, was that mooring line...Luckily I knew the captain of the boat who's mooring we had just mutilated so when we found them to tell them what had happened they weren't too upset. In fact, they were all just astonished that I actually got in the water. "That's pretty #$@% sexy!" I kid you not, one of the girls on that boat said that to me after hearing me tell the story. Even though at the end of the night we went out in the dinghy to fix what we could, their (the Pacific Whale Foundation boat Ocean Discovery, Dad and Derrek, we went out on this boat last year) mooring was no good, luckily they had an extra mooring they could use. Now, only a day later...I find that I am somewhat of a legend in the harbor. I guess the Pac Whale people are quite the gossipers. People I've never met were asking me if I'm that crazy SOB who jumped in the water last night. Apparently it was really dangerous or something...whatever. I got this! Yeah right, that scared the crap out of me. But being a mini celebrity is pretty cool, and bio-luminescent plankton...that's cool stuff! So it was totally worth it. How about a raise? Anyways, just another day in the life of Dallon!

Jack Johnson - You And Your Heart

2010-10-07T19:40:00.000-07:00

♪"For a three hour tour, A three hour tour..."♪

2010-10-02T19:19:00.000-07:00

One of the many...We see spotted, spinner, and bottlenose.

Yesterday, I was lifeguarding at a place called Mala Wharf. It is one of the snorkel spots we go to on our cruise. We'd only been there a few minutes when my co-worker Raquel starts screaming gleefully at me that there are...wait for it...dolphins! Right behind me! They were a couple hundred yards away, so a bit too far to send all the snorkelers out there, but we had an extra crew on board to help lifeguard so I paddled my board out to sea to swim with the dolphins! There must have been hundreds of them and I was right in the middle of them! There were three dolphins in particular that took notice to me, after all the others had swam away these three would swim right up to me, just a few feet away then swim away, circle around a bit then come back in close for a good luck at me. I am not sure who was more giddy, me or them?! It was only when I felt too guilty for ditching everyone back by the boat that I climbed back on the surfboard and paddled back to the boat. The whole thing though was one of the most amazing experiences EVER! We see dolphins all the time on our snorkel and cocktail trips, and once before I've been in the water with them, but that time I just got a quick glimpse as they quickly swam by. This time, I could have reached out and touched them and it lasted about ten minutes. It was awesome...and this is my job!

working hard, saving lives.

Speaking of my job...I think I am going to stay a bit longer this year than I did last year so that I can work the whale watching tours. Whale season officially starts December 15, but they have been known to show up as early as mid November. Whales and dolphins! Yippee! Also...I get really good health insurance through my job, and I'm still super stoked on surfing. Don't worry though, the Utah powpow will pull me back. I miss my beanies and jackets!

I have to show the passengers how to do it safely first!

Cindy with Honu.

It is now cruise ship season here in Lahaina. This means that on any given day there 1-2 ginormous cruise ships moored in the channel. Since I work in the harbor these days get quite crazy. The tenders are back and forth all day between the loading dock and the ships, but there are only three loading dock spaces and it's pretty busy already. We have to wear special IDs and the dock is just like an international terminal at an airport. Security guards everywhere. The average age of all people in Lahaina probably goes up about 50% as the population triples on these days. The cruise ship passengers always come out on our snorkel trips and it's a lot different from normal due to the elderly average age, the diversity of languages, and the (unfortunate) decline in the amount of fabric worn by the portly gentleman on board. But everyone so far has been very nice and they seem a little easier to please than our normal crowds.

Under the boat.

Did I mention I work on a boat? And swim with dolphins and turtles and bikinis every day? Well I do, and it's the golly darn coolest!

"Would you like a cookie?"

I taught him everything I know...LDS bartenders, that's a laugh ya?!

Know what else is cool? Northern swells on Maui! Seasons in Maui are measured by where and how big the swells are. Today, there was a massive north swell and the Bay, Shitty's, S turns, were all going off! I am not quite ready for overhead waves at the bay but i went down there anyway. It was a full on party, people lined the the ridge above the bay in beach chairs with video cameras galore. I'm pretty sure I saw Dusty Payne too...I WILL surf the bay this year, just gotta wait for a training day before I go out on a day like today. Honolua Bay...look it up, it's a spot on the women's pro tour. I did go out on my longboard today though, caught some of the best waves of my life!

Cindy on the slide!

I do it all!

I lost my camera, so these photos are all kinda old, but enjoy. Aloha my friends, keep it pono.