Cocktails and concubines.

I couldn't stay awake all day today, now lying (laying?) in bed I can't sleep.  Lame.

So, story time it is.  This is a story about my very first day working on the cocktail cruise as a bartender/cocktail waiter.  First of all, in my non-drinker naivety, I was apparently making all the drinks WAY too strong.  Although the "strength" of a drink is very subjective.  The fellas thought it was great, the ladies thought I was doing it on purpose for evil intentions.  Really I just didn't have a clue what I was doing.  I still don't know what the crap triple sec is.  Anyways, that's all irrelevant to the story.  There is this barbie and ken couple on the boat, they were very obviously in honeymoon bliss and wanted me to take a picture of them.  So I obliged.  I posed them in front of the beautiful Maui sunset and took a few pictures.  Then I recommended that they hold their hands up together in the shape of a heart in front of the setting sun and she just loved that so much.  So...we spent the next 15 minutes coming up with fun, sexy, crazy poses for these two love birds.  It was kinda fun; silly drunk people do anything I tell them!  Then this cleavage clad lady wanted a picture with me so hubby took the camera.  We got posed right in front of the sunset just perfect and I put on my best bartender smile when blondy in love grabbed my cheeks and wet my lips with all she had!  I didn't even have time to resist, (which I wouldn't have if I did) She latched on while her husband started clicking like the paparazzi at Justin and Selena's prom!  Oh man!  giggity giggity!  I felt violated, used, taken advantage of...and it was hilariously awesome!  I wish I could have been there the next morning when in a hungover stupor the new groom turns on the camera and sees his wife making out with some complete stranger!  Oh man, that was just the first day!  I could go on and tell stories about the lady that tried to get up on the railing to dance and when I ran over to pull her down to avoid a man overboard scenario she took off her underoos and showed me her lady stuff in appreciation.  Or the crazy indian man that told Tera they could make beautiful babies and proceeded to chase her around the boat until she hid in the bilge tank.  Or the lady that came on board doped up on pain meds and trapped me behind the bar and started licking my face.  But I'm getting tired now, so I'll try to sleep again.  Drunk people crack me up, and remind me every time why I'm so glad I don't drink!