There are certain situations in life that you always wonder how you will perform in, but also really hope that you will never have to.  At my job, and in several other of life's circumstances I have some serious fears.  As the first mate on a snorkel tour boat, you can imagine what my concerns and fears are.  Since I was 16 years old I have been training and practicing for aquatic emergencies and CPR. With unbelievable gratefulness and luck, I have never had to use it.  Until now.  My absolute worst fear in life came to fruition on Thursday.  For the first time in my life I was forced to use those lifesaving and CPR skills. 

I want to thank my co-workers for all doing an outstanding job, I was very proud of all of you for performing so well in such an emergency.  I know she won't ever read this, but I want to express my deepest regret and condolenscenses to Mrs. Miner.  I am so sorry that I was unable to save your husband.  Though I had just barely met you and Jerry, he was very nice and polite to me.  I hope that you can take some solace knowing that Jerry was in such a beautiful place doing something he was so excited to do when he left you and all of us on earth.  I hope I can express to you that I absolutely believe and even know that you will see and be with your husband again, that families really can be together for eternity.  It is always sad and horrible when we loose a loved one, but I know the time apart is only temporary.

I've been going over the whole event in my mind over and over again.  I've had friends and family die from unexpected accidents and natural causes, and those experiences have had profound affects on me.  But this is the first time I've lost someone for whom I've been responsible.  I don't mean that I'm responsible for Mr. Miner's death, the circumstances make evident that Mr. Miner died of a heart event, I just mean he was under my supervision while snorkeling at Molokini island, and the experience has flooded me with mixed emotion.  Mr. Miner was 77 years old, so I hope that he lived a full life.  I am inspired to do the same.  He was enjoying life's experiences when he died, I hope I can do that every moment I'm alive.  He was a father...  Dad and Mom, I love you so much and am so grateful for all the sacrifices you've made for me in your lives, please take care of yourselves and stick around for a whole lot longer!  He had other family too, and the older I get the more I realize how awesome my family is and how much I love you all.  You really are the greatest part of my life.  Thanks for everything!  My faith...I can't imagine living this life and dealing with death without the knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  It has guided me through my life and given me hope, happiness, comfort, and direction in a tough world. 

I'm writing about this because writing about things helps me even though this is usually the type of thing I keep personal...Like I said, I have been reviewing the whole thing in my mind over and over again, and despite the natural feeling of guilt, I honestly don't think I could have done anything different to have a better chance of saving Jerry.  He looked just like he was still snorkeling and even had his snorkel in his mouth when I got to him.  From the time he was last seen normal until I got to him was only one minute.  My other lifeguards and crew all did exactly what they should have during the emergency.  As soon as I realized there was a problem I was acting in trained robot mode.  When I got to him he was already in full cardiac arrest with no vital signs, I got him to the boat and as soon as we had him on board I was given the CPR mask and had assistance from two others as we began our CPR rotations.  It took 35 minutes for the coast guard to get to us and we performed CPR that whole time.  I don't think I will ever stop hearing his wife's frantic cries, or seeing his face, but I know that this was not an at-fault situation.  Due to the short time period from when he was last seen acting fine to when he was noticed unconscious leads us to believe he had an aneurysm or stroke.  Meaning that he did not drown.  I don't know if being out of the water would have increased his chances or not.  This was an unexpected medical event and I don't think I could have done anything more than what was done.  It wasn't until the coast guard had taken him that the emotions hit me.  But, I still had 85 people on a boat that I was responsible for, so I'm letting it out now.  I am just fine though, so no one needs to call or write to check up on me.  I am just glad my fear of these things has kept me vigilant in training and practicing for these emergencies, and feel good knowing that I was capable of performing my duties during an emergency.  And though death is a part of life, I hope that we won't ever take life for granted.