Saturday, January 31, 2009

A day in my life of bliss.

So I am currently living a lifestyle that I have always dreamed of...I get paid to ski everyday, then I get paid to play soccer every night. It's ridiculously awesome. I love it. But, it is not all quite as wonderful as it may seem, as the following story will illustrate...
I got to work yesterday at the Canyons bright and early to teach a ski lesson. When I checked in I learned I would be teaching a Ski Utah class instead of a regular class. (Ski Utah classes come every Friday and are only half days instead of the normal full day) So I was pretty stoked about getting to free ski the second half of the day. So I dressed and rode the gondola up to the normal meeting area. After about 30 minutes of wondering where the heck all the kids were I realized (I was told) that the meeting area for Ski Utah was at the BOTTOM of the gondola. Nuts! So I completely missed it and my class was given to someone else...Sad face. But then I was told that the Cats might need some help. (Cats = 4-6 yr. olds, Carvers = 7-14 yr olds, Cubs = 3 and under. I've only done carvers) So I rode the gondola back down to the cats meeting area and helped put vests and harnesses on all the little tykes for awhile only to be told, sorry Dallon, guess we don't need you after all (they really did though, read on...) So then I was told, but hey, the Cubs might need you! So after I received an explanation of what cubs are...I headed over to that building. Turns out cubs is no more than a daycare. So I was sent back up the gondola with two little dudes who could barely walk let alone ski. While trying to get ski boots the size of my big toe on these little guys a supervisor spots us and flips out. Turns out the teacher to cub ratio is supposed to 1 to 1 and I had 2. He was quite upset, I was completely naive. That one hour lesson (more like a giggle/whine party than a lesson) actually turned into a half hour lesson and half hour take-off-ten-layers-to-get-little-weewee-out-to-go-peepee. That was done and I graciously returned the bundled starfish back to the daycare at the bottom of the gondola. Lucky me I was called back up to the top where a Cats class (the ones that didn't need me before) needed an instructor. I was lucky enough to get to them just in time for them to loose all energy and interest in skiing whatsoever (full day lessons are way too long for that age). So I wrestled with three more little guys trying every trick in the book and a few I made up to get them to make a simple wedge and even stay standing up. So it was a great relief when they were all attacked by the Tinkle Monster at the exact same time. So...the next incredibly long period of time was spent again in the stalls unzipping, unbuttoning, unwrapping, and searching for Mr. Tinkles to do his deed. After using some of the same tricks I used to get them to ski I finally thought little guy number 2 was all empty so we started pulling his britches back up when suddenly Mr. Tinkles decided he would have another go at the porcelain pool, too bad MY HAND was in the line of fire, and I spent the rest the day with a nice soaked sleeve. Back to the skiing we went, skiing being a relative term here, the magic carpet does offer some pretty intense terrain and the car washes are always a riot but for some reason the day just drug on and on. Until...little dude number 3 (who had the heebie jeebies on our first trip to toilet row) decided it was time for another go at it. So, thank you Carrie, I left the two mini devils with Carrie, and off to the bathroom we went again. I will spare details for the sake of yukiness, but Mr. Tinkles had nothing to do with this trip. Mr. Doodoo however was a busy guy, and Little dude #3 couldn't do it himself...AWESOME! To wrap this up, I didn't know the procedures for parent pick up for these little folk, so I looked like an idiot when parents showed up, didn't get tipped a dime. Then finally I'm done just to realize someone had stolen my brand new poles. So with head low and feet aching I dragged my urinated, sweat soaked, poor aching body to the gondola to ride down it for the 7th time today, when a snowboarder hit me and sliced my hand up....A perfect ending. The day was so miserable, I decided to make up for it with some time night skiing at Brighton to make it all better! So, for all you who think I got it made, think again...! I still played 6 soccer games, and skied 4 times in 5 days though! Suckers!