Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The Joys of Parenthood.

I had supervised all the activities upstairs until I felt confident that all was in a state of calm and order and that it was safe to find refuge in the basement where I settled into the couch and turned on the Jazz game.  In my mind the last hour of mayhem that I had strategically maneuvered through entitled me to some quiet time, a time for me to relax and enjoy a peaceful evening.  I deserved this, that last hour was hard work!  Usually after a hard day of teaching America's youth how to shred some pow pow I'm all tuckered out and look forward to an evening where "I spy with my little eye" and Spongebob aren't the main topics of conversation.  So settling in to watch this Jazz game (though it's currently a frustrating activity) is quite a normal activity for my bachelor lifestyle.  Alas, tonight is not a regular night... Some seconds after arranging the love-seat, pillows, icy beverage and remote, I heard a loud crash from up the stairs.  "Ah nuts" I muttered under my breath as I ran upstairs to confront the disaster...

Child one was luckily still in a state of computer game induced coma, oblivious to all things around him.  All ok here.  So on to the next room I go.  No comatose children here!  Child two is standing above the couch, a strange look on his face.  "What's wrong?" I asked.  "I just threw up" child two exclaimed.  I noticed the chunky pool of masticated dinner on the couch, and it's not just on the couch, it's right between the cushions, all squished and oozing down between them.  Lovely...  Child three is also nearby.  She however, is completely in the buff.  Full on birthday suit.  Her little pull ups are sitting on the floor, next to her other items of clothing.  She is very proud of herself however.  After all, she just used the big girl potty!  This is great news right!?  Well it should be, but for all the pee pee that made it into the tiny plastic potty, twice that much is on the carpet and child three's legs.  (still not sure why the training potty is on the middle of the living room floor?) Ok, no big deal.  I've dealt with pee at work.  A little more awkward is the naked child part... After cleaning up the throw up, and the pee pee, I chased the birthday girl around for awhile trying to get some clothes on her.  She is having a great time giggling as she makes about 7 house-laps.  This is when I discover the original cause of the crash that brought me upstairs in the first place.  The pantry (that used to have childproof doorknob thingy on it that I couldn't ever get past) is open and on the floor is a smattering of crackers, raisins, chips, animal crackers, and some weird sticky thing I never could identify.  Don't forget, I was only downstairs for 47 seconds!

If you haven't figured it out yet, tonight I babysat my sister's kids.  I love these kids very much, but I tell you what.  Parenthood is tough!  I sometimes get these brief glimpses into that joy, and every time I do I am very humbled.  Every second is devoted to them.  You don't get to do anything for yourself.  Preparing food that they don't even eat, cleaning up the food, and their faces, and the dishes, keeping them entertained, keeping them from killing each other, keeping them from killing themselves, saving the household valuables, cleaning up body fluids, choosing which battles are worth fighting, trying to figure out which children the fluids came from and why, trying to interpret what baby is trying to tell me, getting them to brush their teeth, put on jammies, go to bed, I could go on and on and on.  Not to mention things that regular parents probably know that I have no clue about.  Like which side of the diaper is the front? Which utensils do kids this age use? Should the milk be warm or cold? I'm supposed to put this thing WHERE? Do I have to sing a lullaby, and does a Vampire Weekend song count? What is a blatta?  Can she eat this? Where the heck are the adult utensils?  But, most of you probably know exactly what I'm talking about and you're just nodding your head and smiling at my male bachelor naivety.  I really do feel like one of the guys in those movies where the young playboy bachelor suddenly has to take care of some child and it's just a complete disaster i.g. Big Daddy.  Mind you, I have yet to place newspapers under the child, but...I would probably make them wear swimsuits during bath time!

So this all being said, I would like to express my appreciation to my parents, and my older siblings, for dealing with my extricated bodily fluids and naked tantrums, because this is hard work and I have NO idea how you can do this all day every day!  You have my respect, gratitude, and admiration, but for now, I'll take my role as the fun uncle and job as a children ski instructor where at the end of the day, I get to give the children back to mom and dad...thank you very much!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Famous people.

So it's a star studded week at my place of employment.  The Sundance Film festival is this week in Park City and apparently that means that there are lots of movie stars all over the place.  I say apparently because I would have no idea.  I've never tried to participate in any way in this film festival on account of I'm not that interested in movies that people make to try and prove that they are edgier or more artistically endowed than everyone else, and I couldn't care even more less about "celebrities".  All I know is that I have to wake up an extra 20 minutes early and get home 30 minutes later every day this week because traffic is so bad.  Really people, if you want to see a celebrity so badly just watch a netflix movie because I can guarantee you that the characters they play are way more cordial and interesting than they are in real life.  What's the deal with this country's obsession with celebrities anyway?  Are our lives really so uninteresting that we have to salivate over someone else's?  There really isn't that big of difference on the slopes because of the festival, but I do hear the rumors of which famous people are enrolled in ski school for the day, but I am sworn on my first born to not tell you who is here at the moment for their own privacy.  I can tell you this though...Justin Timberlake is a lousy snowboarder, A.C. Slater on the other hand, is quite the ripper!  Too bad Screech and Zach aren't here though...

  If you are interested in a much more entertaining film festival though, check out the Go Pro X-Dance Action Sports Film Festival.  Learn more here.

Things that must go.

On my way to work in the mornings I sometimes listen to the Radio From Hell show on X96.  They have a feature sometimes called "Things that must go" where you can send in your list of things that must go.  I have never done it but I always think about my list when I hear it.  Here is my list of things, that must go:
  • Magazines that have 28 pages of ads before the page with the table of contents, then only putting the dang page numbers on every 17th page making it nearly impossible to EVER find the story from the cover page that you want to read.
  • Any magazine about "celebrities" in general.
  • Snowboarders and skiers that still think it's cool to wear their snowboard pants down around their knees with some sort of super long shirt under their coat that hangs out the bottom and covers their butt instead of pants.  Seriously...Why?
  • Any shirt, bumper sticker, or other logo with some obscene word or phrase on it but missing just one letter from the obscenity, leaving out one letter doesn't make it less obnoxious.
  • Utahans that have never left Utah for an extended period of time. (as in, you must go somewhere else for a little while, then you can come back)
  • People who talk badly of law enforcement officers.  Go live somewhere where there aren't any and see how you like it!
  • Mean people... Just go away.
  • Rich people at ski resorts that think they are entitled in some excessive way like the guy in the Armani one piece jump suit who skied passed my 6 year old student who had just fallen down and yelled at us that we were in a bad place to stop.  Well sir, you are going way to fast for this area where visibility is poor and if you hit either of us I'm going to break your hip!
  • My boss that can spot from 3/4 mile away that I didn't shave this morning.  Jobs that make me shave.  And...shaving in general.
  • Popped collars, abercrombie and fitch, baseball caps over ears and on sideways, skinny jeans, new pants with holes in them,
  • 3D movies
  • The Jazz loosing streak.
  • TyPinG LiKe ThIS. 
  • People who cross the street whenever and wherever they want and make obscene gestures when they almost get ran over.
  • Anyone under the age of 21 using ANY form of social networking.

Monday, January 17, 2011

"My Type"

Someone asked me recently what my "type" was, in reference to females that I would like to date.  It was a difficult question that I couldn't really answer.  So lately I've been thinking a little bit about that, and those of you that know me, will understand that this is a big step forward for me. (assuming anyways that you believe dating IS a step forward) Reaching the age I am at and not yet knowing what qualities in the opposite gender to look for is kind of sad...unless of course you remember, that I've never really looked.  They kinda always found me, until the latter years anyways...

So I figure that a good place to start would be to figure out what my "type" is, at least in more specific details than "a soccer playing ski chick" which has pretty much been my standard thus far.  So, after hours and hours of kind-of thinking about this I have figured it out.  My type of girl is this: "a soccer playing, ski chick that surfs!"

I'm well on my way folks!

Ok, for my sisters' sake I'll be a little more specific.  I am defining "type" quite loosely.  Meaning that things like being a female, being LDS and all that entails, and in general being not lame...are all items of a different category.  "Type" does not include beliefs, standards, personality, or general character.  A "type" is a person of a specified kind.  Which means my type, really is several types.  So...

My type:
  • Is into skiing or snowboarding and can do it reasonably well.
  • Thinks surfing is fun and can do it reasonably well.
  • Enjoys playing soccer and can do it reasonably well.
  •  Has fun doing a variety of outdoor activities.
  • Couldn't care less who the bachelor picks, who the next top model is, or how long her eyelashes are.
  • Likes Maaji Swimwear. or possibly a model for that brand.
In other words...My type is someone LIKE ME!  That's an amazing concept isn't it...

(well, except the Maaji swimear part, that would just be a bonus!)  And honestly, none of these are necessarily required, just general guidelines.  And being "like me" is slightly more involved than surfing, skiing, and soccer...not much though.

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Friday, January 7, 2011

2010 Year in Review.

I guess I'll follow the blogger cliche and write about my year past.  Not necessarily because I think that there are hordes of people out there that care, but because writing in this blog has in some ways replaced my journal writing and my prosperity just needs to know how I spent my time in the year 2010.

So here I go...
To put it quite bluntly and simply, 2010 was almost exactly like 2009.  I started the new year working at the Canyons in Park City, around April when the ski season was over I moved back to Maui, and now at the end of the year I am working at the Canyons in Park City.  The circle of life my friends!  Ok...obviously there is a little more to it than that.  How about a bulleted list?!  Ok go!

IN 2010:

  • I finished my second and started my third year as a ski instructor.  I love this job, I get to ski everyday while helping others learn to enjoy the snowy mountains as much as I do.  I know most of you think it's ski bums way to get a season pass, and yes of course that's what it is.  But it's also the greatest job in the world that happens to be my career path and happens to be a dang good one.  Boo the haters.
  • Speaking of awesome jobs.  Because I'm a ski instructor, I got to go to Maui for 7 months and work on a boat!  On this boat we did snorkel trips, cocktail cruises, and whale watching tours.  It is a fully benefited position that pays more than I need and shoots, I work on a boat!
  • I was a snorkel instructor.
  • I refined my knowledge of what matters, and what doesn't.
  • I was the 1st mate on Kaulana of Maui.
  • I only lived at 3 addresses.
  • I was a bartender and cocktail waiter/entertainer (ask for details)
  • I became a national D license certified soccer coach. 
  • I became a Pacific marine mammal expert and certified naturalist.
  • I saw fully breaching whales, and got paid for it.
  • I handed out cookies to bikini hotties...every day.
  • I got scuba certified.
  • I surfed double overhead at Honolua Bay.
  • I got a shortboard.
  • I turned 28 years old
  • I became an uncle again.
  • I had a crush on a girl.
  • I got into whole new genres of music.
  • I realized I'm old, and didn't care.
  • I played and sang songs for people, even though I still can't sing.
  • Song #27 in my playlist up there was my ringtone for the entire year, and for the rest of time, I will look for my phone when I hear it.
  • Speaking of my phone, I went through 5 different ones during the year.
  • I tried something I that I used to swear I'd never do and thought people that did that were super weirdos.
  • My hair was more long than it ever has been, and blonder too.
  • I won a triathlon.
  • I surfed both sides of the Pacific.
  • I went to every Hawaiian island they'll let you go to.
  • I used America's next top toilet.
  • I swam with dolphins, in the wild, three times.
  • I flew in a helicopter.

In 2011 I want/plan to:

  • Move to New Zealand.
  • Kiss someone in the rain.
  • Become Level 2 certified.
  • Reach half way to becoming boat captain.
  • Gap a road.
  • Finally go to Havasupai.
  • Hike down to Kalauapapa and Napali.

This post is a work in progress...

    Saturday, January 1, 2011

    This is what happens when I sit down to write, and don't feel like writing...

    2010.  Is gone.  

    2011.  Is here.

    Nothing has changed.

    This is ok.

    Life is stellar.

    And super stoked.

    I wish you all a year full of warm fuzzies and silly moments!