The Joys of Parenthood.

I had supervised all the activities upstairs until I felt confident that all was in a state of calm and order and that it was safe to find refuge in the basement where I settled into the couch and turned on the Jazz game.  In my mind the last hour of mayhem that I had strategically maneuvered through entitled me to some quiet time, a time for me to relax and enjoy a peaceful evening.  I deserved this, that last hour was hard work!  Usually after a hard day of teaching America's youth how to shred some pow pow I'm all tuckered out and look forward to an evening where "I spy with my little eye" and Spongebob aren't the main topics of conversation.  So settling in to watch this Jazz game (though it's currently a frustrating activity) is quite a normal activity for my bachelor lifestyle.  Alas, tonight is not a regular night... Some seconds after arranging the love-seat, pillows, icy beverage and remote, I heard a loud crash from up the stairs.  "Ah nuts" I muttered under my breath as I ran upstairs to confront the disaster...

Child one was luckily still in a state of computer game induced coma, oblivious to all things around him.  All ok here.  So on to the next room I go.  No comatose children here!  Child two is standing above the couch, a strange look on his face.  "What's wrong?" I asked.  "I just threw up" child two exclaimed.  I noticed the chunky pool of masticated dinner on the couch, and it's not just on the couch, it's right between the cushions, all squished and oozing down between them.  Lovely...  Child three is also nearby.  She however, is completely in the buff.  Full on birthday suit.  Her little pull ups are sitting on the floor, next to her other items of clothing.  She is very proud of herself however.  After all, she just used the big girl potty!  This is great news right!?  Well it should be, but for all the pee pee that made it into the tiny plastic potty, twice that much is on the carpet and child three's legs.  (still not sure why the training potty is on the middle of the living room floor?) Ok, no big deal.  I've dealt with pee at work.  A little more awkward is the naked child part... After cleaning up the throw up, and the pee pee, I chased the birthday girl around for awhile trying to get some clothes on her.  She is having a great time giggling as she makes about 7 house-laps.  This is when I discover the original cause of the crash that brought me upstairs in the first place.  The pantry (that used to have childproof doorknob thingy on it that I couldn't ever get past) is open and on the floor is a smattering of crackers, raisins, chips, animal crackers, and some weird sticky thing I never could identify.  Don't forget, I was only downstairs for 47 seconds!

If you haven't figured it out yet, tonight I babysat my sister's kids.  I love these kids very much, but I tell you what.  Parenthood is tough!  I sometimes get these brief glimpses into that joy, and every time I do I am very humbled.  Every second is devoted to them.  You don't get to do anything for yourself.  Preparing food that they don't even eat, cleaning up the food, and their faces, and the dishes, keeping them entertained, keeping them from killing each other, keeping them from killing themselves, saving the household valuables, cleaning up body fluids, choosing which battles are worth fighting, trying to figure out which children the fluids came from and why, trying to interpret what baby is trying to tell me, getting them to brush their teeth, put on jammies, go to bed, I could go on and on and on.  Not to mention things that regular parents probably know that I have no clue about.  Like which side of the diaper is the front? Which utensils do kids this age use? Should the milk be warm or cold? I'm supposed to put this thing WHERE? Do I have to sing a lullaby, and does a Vampire Weekend song count? What is a blatta?  Can she eat this? Where the heck are the adult utensils?  But, most of you probably know exactly what I'm talking about and you're just nodding your head and smiling at my male bachelor naivety.  I really do feel like one of the guys in those movies where the young playboy bachelor suddenly has to take care of some child and it's just a complete disaster i.g. Big Daddy.  Mind you, I have yet to place newspapers under the child, but...I would probably make them wear swimsuits during bath time!

So this all being said, I would like to express my appreciation to my parents, and my older siblings, for dealing with my extricated bodily fluids and naked tantrums, because this is hard work and I have NO idea how you can do this all day every day!  You have my respect, gratitude, and admiration, but for now, I'll take my role as the fun uncle and job as a children ski instructor where at the end of the day, I get to give the children back to mom and dad...thank you very much!