The Nevervoid.

I know you've all been wondering, but...here's the thing.  I'm in the dating nevervoid.  It's the black hole anti-matter of my life. This is what's going on:

1.  I meet a girl in Maui.  We go out and I am charming and witty without any effort, obviously.  She is smitten and things get molten.  But inevitably we hit a crossroads in the countryside of moral standards.  Mine forks left towards vertical N.C.M.O. and cuddling.  Her fork goes right towards the horizontal refreshments, the hot rod promiscuous parking garage, and the "relations".  So...

             a.  When we start to make the turn towards her fork, it gets super awkward when I have to halt the bus to freaky town.  Then, with an astonished, dumbfounded look on her face she just says "oh... ummmm...ok."  Then she gets really offended and goes off on how men are so shallow, and stomps from the room slamming the door.  See, she simply doesn't believe that there are actually people in this world who really are waiting for marriage.  So she assumes she's been rejected because of that weird mole on her neck.

             b.  When we turn down my fork this young lady is so astounded by my chivalric respect for her feminine flower, that her internal destiny switch(n) clicks from "hot guy sexy time" mode, to "finally a man that sees me for me and not my voluptuous lady lumps" mode.  And this isn't necessarily a bad thing.  But several months down the road, after several arguments on religion, and moral standards, and we discover the huge differences that form the wedge between us, it will be a sad horrible break up.  Unfortunately, almost every couple I know that have those kinds of differences never work out.  So I've decided to keep my toe in the LDS dating pool only. 

2.  So over in that pool, I meet a girl in Utah.  We go out and I am charming and witty without any effort, obviously.  She is smitten and things get molten.  But inevitably we hit a crossroads of eternal celestiality timing.  Her fork leads straight to ring sizing, reception center pieces, and picking out bathroom tile...followed directly with nine months of Lamaze classes and "what to expect when your expecting".  My fork also leads to these things, I fully believe in the eternal family and understand it's profound meaning and importance, it's just on a slightly different timeline.  So...:

           a.  When we turn down her fork Dallon is covered with the blanket of overwhelmingness and deep within his fragile soul the fear of commitment will creep out and sabotage the entire relationship.  Inevitably leading to heartbreak and pain. It's pathetic and I'm not proud...

           b.  When we turn down my fork, we have a lot of good times and some amazing adventures.  Everything is great and wonderful because my life still hasn't changed that much and I still get to do all the things I've always dreamed of.  Someday  in the future we'll get to those more eternal dreams. But as the years pass on...she gets restless, impatient, and sick of me leaving to Maui or New Zealand for 6 months every year,  and dumps me.  Three weeks later...she marries the guy she met when I was in Maui.  They live happily ever after.

So...my current plan is to simply just avoid all these possible scenarios altogether!  And...done.


P.S.  This may be a very odd blog post to the vast majority of the world, many of you who may be reading this might be wondering why in the world would I not get on the bus to freaky town?  Those of you who share my faith and membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints surely will understand.  I am not even sure why I wrote this, as this is much more of a "dear diary" type subject..  But for those of you who are confused, go here.    It's a link to a website my church made about our beliefs in family and marriage.