My life among the tourists...

Have you ever had a scattered brain? I have...

Gaining respect in Hawaii comes from how many tattoos you have, how successful you are at growing marijuana in a bucket in your backyard, and how you act in a lineup (surfing).
Getting respect in Utah comes from your job title and salary, where you went to college, for what degree and for how long, whether you served a mission, and your marital status (after age 25). I'm pretty low in both places, and I couldn't care less.
What's the deal with the "f" word? Seriously, just because I'm a dude that doesn't mean I want to here that word shoved between every syllable. I miss my friends that don't talk like that.
So I have a dream job in paradise...except for maintenance days. Along with trusty sidekick Tera (well, almost trusty, don't trust her with a wet vac), I pulled bilge tank duty the other day. A bilge tank is the lowest section of a vessel, it's filled with swash tanks, or tiny metal compartments filled with all sorts of crossbeams and other fun, sharp, metal objects. A bilge tank contains bilge water, for your convenience I looked up bilge on wikipedia, it says "Bilge water can be found aboard almost every vessel. Depending on the ship's design and function, bilge water may contain water, oil, urine, detergents, solvents, chemicals, pitch, particles, and so forth." So let that paint a picture for you, now in this painted masterpiece add about 110 degrees, poor circulation, and Dallon and Tera with a roll of paper towels, a wet vac, some degreaser, and a pressure washer. now stare at this painting for 6 hours! Oh but don't worry it didn't get boring at all! Tera managed to dump the wet vac onto her head, only to repeat this feet later. The second time though she was much wiser and instead of on her head she dumped it all out over the newly spit shined sections we had just cleaned! But I forgave her because getting the wet vac all wet gave me the shock of my life. Literally! I screamed like a little girl getting chased by a spider, falling into cold water, and seeing Zac Effron take his shirt off...all at once! But on the upside, I have a new funny tingling in my whole left arm. And at the end of the day, the Maui Princess has the cleanest bilge tank that NO ONE will ever see! Should have called Mike Rowe, good times, good times.
Working on a cocktail cruise:

• I've been told I have the greatest mother in the world because I don't drink or smoke. I agree.
• I'm been kissed while her husband took pictures.
• I've been invited "back to our room".
• I've made lots of new friends. None of which I will ever see again.
• I've learned how to mix all sorts of drinks that I'll never taste.
• I've fallen of the boat. I wasn't drinking.
• I've discovered dance moves I never knew I had. Who rocked the boat?!
• I've learned how vulnerable drunk people are.
• I've increased my appreciation for the fact that I don't drink. Thanks Mom.
• I've memorized all the lyrics to "September" by Earth, Wind and Fire. But who hasn't...
  

Cutting a two inch thick rope at 20 feet deep with a tiny pocket knife...not an easy task. But I've done it before. My bucket list just keeps getting shorter!
Watching shark week and working in the ocean everyday = awesome pranks on silly co-workers who are afraid of sharks! for example:

The other day there was a mass panic amongst the bobbing, snorkeling tourists when someone on the boat spotted something large in the water. Captain Dave ordered me to slay the man-eating beast and like a monkey on a banana tree I attacked with zeal! The water being my natural habitat I was able to catch the aquatic monster while whisking bikini clad touristas onto the boat with one hand and fend off the attacker with the other. The battle for strength, honor, and dominion of the sea was brief but fierce and alas, the hero, the knight, the warrior, the man...broke the surface a victor and claimed his oceanic throne! That slimy floating garbage bag didn't stand a chance! I ruled the day! At this very moment it sits in some landfill where it belongs, never to torment a hapless tourist again! Surprisingly though, everyone on the boat, after swimming for their lives, didn't find my flailing, kicking, and splashing about one bit humorous when they found out my opponent was just a trash bag. I however, had a great laugh...
My best friend and roommate Reed just left. This happened last year too. We come to Maui together, holding each others hand for comfort and support. Then he leaves me here all alone. Now I know how all his girlfriends feel... I had to move to a new house because the room we shared held too much memory and emotion for me to handle. So I live in a new place now, with a room all to myself...on the bright side, maybe I'll blog more.
Luckily, before Reed left we stowed away on a boat and went to Molokai. We found some 12 year old kid to be our tour guide (thanks Nathan) and explored the last Hawaiian island I hadn't been on. We tried to hike down to Kalaupapa, site of the Hansen's Disease (leprosy) colony. The colony is on a peninsula below the highest sea cliffs in the world. You would know them from Jurassic Park helicopter scenes. But bullocks...the colonists had recently revolted against the evil caretaker and in the battle somebody cut the elevator cable so there was no way down. I also heard something about a mudslide taking out a bridge, but whatever happened all I know is that we weren't able to make the hike. Bummer. I'll go back, sorry Reed. So instead we hiked to some other waterfalls and woke up a giant lizard. I also learned that my bare feet don't have as good traction as Reed's shoes. That hurt. But we slept on a beach, a three mile long beach (the longest in all of Hawaii) and had the whole thing to ourselves. Well, except for all the sand crabs that cozied up with us. It was pretty awesome. There are no people over there on that side of Molokai, just a ghost town and a dilapidated resort. So that morning when we still had the entire beach to ourselves, we did what any normal person would do, dropped our drawers and ran around and snorkeled the way man was meant to be! It was Reed's birthday after all, gotta wear the suit on your birthday! Beware of burning your buns if you choose to snorkel in the buff however...ouch! Molokai was cool.
We saw a shooting star that made us both think someone took a picture, it was just like a camera flash. Then a few nights later I saw one so close I could actually see it break into pieces and could see actual flames. Those were both awesome. Everything is awesome.
Once, it took me 15 minutes to find the mooring, I could touch the ocean floor before I could see it that day. THAT was a little disheartening, they never show the ocean like that on shark week.

Ahhhh, so much less scattered now. Mahalo!

Cocktails and Testicles.

So add to my Resume: cocktail waiter, bartender, and adult entertainer!

I'd leave this one to your imagination but your imagination is dirty, so I'll explain...

Maui has been somewhat of an emotional roller coaster for me this year. (ladies, for going through this on a completely insane yearly, monthly, daily, hourly, and whimsical schedule...you have my sympathy, suckers) I came out here this year because I was promised a job with one of the sailing cruise companies. As this was the absolute ONLY reason or excuse I could possibly think of to move back to Maui, I was devastated, after being dragged along by that company for a month, when I learned that I didn't have a job there after all. So, I was pretty bummed as finding a job in Maui that doesn't involve throwing dirt or wiping tables isn't all that easy. So as I began the job search journey I mentally prepared myself for the terrible scenario of going back to Utah where rent doesn't cost a kidney and a testicle. (ouch...there is some validity to that overstatement in my case, consider this a teaser to keep reading!) But...the Utah scenarios I played out in my mind actually got me pretty excited to go back. Camping, Mtn. Biking, swimming in The Heywood's pool, Peach Days, carpet, dollar menus, etc. Wouldn't be that bad, I'd get to see friends and family, start that thing with my brother, go rafting and on that other trip I had planned, more etc.'s. So I was quite prepared to come back and a little excited even. But alas...I applied on Sunday, interviewed on Monday, started on Wednesday, and the following Monday I became first mate on the Kaulana of Maui. Yup, I got a job with Maui Cruise Co. We do snorkel and cocktail cruises. And since I look so dang good with my shirt off, I'm already first mate on one of our four boats. The snorkel cruise is pretty simple. We go to two different snorkel spots, one of them on Lanai. I prepare the boat, serve snacks, barbecue lunch, give snorkel lessons, lifeguard, dive and tie the moorings, just about everything except actually drive the boat. Then there is the cocktail cruises I do at night. These get interesting. (see the Office episode "The Booze Cruise" to get an idea of what I mean) On this cruise I am the bartender, yes there is a high level of Mormon boy amusement in this one. Learning how to mix drinks has been quite an adventure. Just add lots of liquor and get the color right and no one seems to care actually! It can be crazy hectic but fun too. The real fun starts though when dancing Dallon leaves the galley and gets the party started! We have a musician on board and most people are a little shy at first to get their booty shake on, so...Dancing Dallon gets out his mojo and goes to work. For the first few minutes of my attempts to get it going, the crazy tourists just take out their cameras and take pictures of the funny haole boy. But once they see how bad of a dancer I am they gain the courage to cut a rug of their own and soon it's a REAL booze cruise! Rocking boat + super liquored drinks made by naive mormon boy = hilarious drunk dancing tourists! It's science. I even got action from Big Boobs McGee while her husband took a picture! Ahhh, my new job is awesome. So I'm back to Plan A. Won't be home till around Thanksgiving. Oh, I also got a job as a personal trainer. Silly Hawaiians believe anything I tell them! haha

Well, I promised a testicle story. Mom, don't worry. I wouldn't be telling the story if I wasn't already completely healed and healthy. I hope. But everyone be warned, I will have to use potentially "not safe for work" words. So here it is...Surfing a few weeks ago I decided to be cooler than I really am and I walked the nose of my board. "Hanging Ten" for those of you in the know. I got out there and instead of impressing all the locals I suppressed my own locals. I slipped off the edge of my board turning it on edge and launching it straight up as I fell straight down. I believe this is know as a "straddling accident". While still underwater I let out a stream of profanity my mother will NEVER hear, or anyone else for that matter. But this really really really hurt! Sometimes "freaking heck" just doesn't carry nearly enough strength. But I surfaced out of the wave and VERY gingerly climbed back on my board. To save face and pride I caught a few more waves before I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I Paddled in, even more gingerly got on my bike, and went home. Just to discover a bloody stain covering the front of my boardies! Now, no self respecting man can refrain from at least going into minor shock at the realization that,at the moment, he could use a maxi pad. So I think I took this pretty well. I quickly checked online (be careful of that google search by the way) to find out what to do with penile bleeding due to massive blunt trauma. And called every nurse and doctor I know. But to keep this easy for the faint at heart... Two weeks later all the bruising is gone (place a purple balls joke here), I don't dread visits from Mr. Tinkles on account of the stinging pain anymore, and the bleeding has stopped. So with the exception of needing to replace about half my underoos and a new respect for the miracle of life, Everything is good... I sincerely and with all depths of my heart hope and pray that everything is good!

So, that's where I am in life. It's wonderful and I love it. I hope you are all well! Aloha!
More pictures to make you jealous:

This is our sweet ride complete with surfboards.

Must have coconuts!



Hiking on a cliff edge. Foliage is false security, it really was a cliff.



Dallon + Spear gun = Dead Baracuda!



A beach, and Stacie's legs.


Waves, sand, ukulele, campfire, friends. Nuf said.

Episode 13

Episode 13.
This is the last slideshow with my Dad and brother. It's from last October.

Aloha from Maui

I've been in Maui now for a month. The first two weeks were awesome as some of my family were here with me. Vacations with Mom and Dad are awesome on account of them paying for everything! Thanks guys! They were here on Maui for my cousin's wedding, then we went to Kauai. That island is beautiful. I'm pretty sure I want to live in Hanalei someday. It was really fun to be here with them and show them my romping grounds. There isn't a whole lot of work yet on the boat so I got another job as a fitness trainer at a little local gym. I know, that's a laugh right!? It's pretty easy and not that bad. It took me about a week to find a place to live after the family left. On the day Reed showed up though I finally found a place. That week was rough, I really hope that I'm never permanently homeless, that would NOT be fun. The place we're at works though. We also got a car and are all pretty much settled in now. I have that same feeling again of not believing that I live here. The ocean is just amazing to me. It's like a haven I can escape the world to. I feel inspired every time I'm in or near the water. Also like last year I feel rejuvenated to achieve my goals and make my dreams come true. I do miss Utah, family, and friends a lot more this time. But all is well and life is swell! I haven't made any new slideshows, but here are some photos.

This is my friend/surf student Stacey. We went out to Lauiniopoko to surf.

This is me, cindy, stacey, caitlin, and Reed out near the blowhole.

That's me on a rock.

Walking from blowhole to blowhole.

Sad...I'm all alone.

Swimming through the lava tube.

Helping the wahine up the waterfall.

The Napali coast. Someday...

Derrek and Kappy swimming with Honu.

At a waterfafall on Kauai with the Ohana.

Some keiki honu on Kauai.

Things I would put as a Facebook status...

Every time a runner gets thrown out at first base, I think the umpire is trying to punch his lights out for running too fast. Seriously, watch it. It's more entertaining than the game anyways.

Skinny white Utah boy now skinny Maui Lobster boy.

When hot, by herself, chiropractor, tourist chick asks you "what is fun to do here at night?" after unashamedly flirting with you all day, setting your neck like Jet Lee (who happens to be her God Uncle), and taking pictures of you all day... You DO NOT give her a list of fun things to do like a big dumb idiot, instead, you get her phone number and tell her that when you are done cleaning the boat you will call her and SHOW her what is fun to do in this town at night! Big dumb idiot...

Is that a run on sentence?

Does Hollywood have ANY original ideas anymore?

I already miss my Mom.

When everything sucks, go surf.

But this way I've done most the things I want to do and I still have something to look forward to.

Oh the things I'll do to get good tips...I regret nothing.

Go Blackhawks! Although the Flyers squeaking into the playoffs with a last game of season shootout win and their improbable run through the playoffs has been great. Should be a good Stanley Cup.

Lifetime total # of bee stings suffered while surfing: 3

Good to see you again Honu!

Homelessness sucks. Ridiculously un-fun.

Nobody panic...But it's official, there is severe flower shortage in HI.

Open ended statement/question to peak your curiosity and get you to comment.

Why can't they just put a big cork in the dang oil pipe!

GOOOOO RSL!

"Nobody listens to Turtle..."

Why is the name Dallon so hard for tourists? Maybe I should go by George so I don't have to repeat my name 3 times every time I introduce myself.

Add sail boat crew and fitness trainer to my long, random list of jobs...I really am a jack of all trades and a master of none.

America, let's believe in something again.

I gotta thing for women's lacrosse...

One of These Is Not Like the Other.

I did some blog stalking the other day and realized something that opened my eyes... I perused the worldwide digital autobiography/memoirs of all my friends and their friends and some complete strangers as well, and it dawned on me that one of these is not like the others. The blogging world is a popular place for females: single girls, married girls, mothers and every other sort of XXs...it is NOT however, a place where the young single male tends to spend his time, or any male for that matter. The occasional reference of "my husband" is as about as close as they come. So, the one of these that is not like the other of course...is me. I could come up with reasons (excuses) for why I have a blog, they are going to sound almost exactly like my reasons for joining myspace, and then facebook. To keep in touch with old friends of course. While that may be true, let's face it...we are all really just a little self centered and we feel more important in this world and a little better about ourselves when we get a message, a notification, a picture comment, or the creme de la creme...a friend request! (is anyone else sourly dissapointed when instead of some gorgeous hottie who came across a picture of you and thought you were sexy and interesting, it's just some obscure high school classmate you haven't seen since then and didn't ever talk to anyways? I know I am...I'm single though so maybe you're different) Anyways, back to the blogging matter at hand. Seriously, look at everyone's blogs, the lists of links to other blogs on the side? Read them...they are all either The Johnson Family, or John and Joan, or just Joan. But do you see ANY (besides mine) that are just a dude? Nope. I don't have my pregnancy progression pictures, or cute pictures of my kid's first steps, or recipes of the great new dessert I just made. I don't have a combination of our names as a catchy blog title, family updates, domestic projects, bridal pictures, craft projects, or much else in my blog of great lifetime importance...Yet, I still have a blog, and I think it's fun and my mom likes it so I'm still going to do it!

And on another slightly related note...Some peeps and I got together a few weeks back because Christie is awesome and likes to host get togethers and John likes to grill yummies from Christie's cookbook, and also kinda for a goodbye party. Anyways it was pretty awesome because 8 of my best fellas were there, first time that many of us have been together for many moons. But the point of my rambling is this; back in the day we were a rowdy croud - get togethers were loud and boisterous with bands and crowds and hilarious antics only LDS kids could come up with sober. And we were mostly care free. At this gathering, replace the crowd of strangers with 11 children 3 and under and significant others, the loud noise with light conversation and an occasional baby crying, and the hilarious antics with stories reminiscing about hilarious antics. A drastic eye opening again? Well, not drastic, but quite gradual. I've watched all my friends meet girls, get careers, settle down, get married, have kids, buy homes etc. Which is all really awesome and they are all really happy. As the only single person at the pow wow I couldn't help but feel a little left out; in a group where I used to feel like a ring leader, I felt a little out of place. I do not live like the people who are my best friends in this whole world, I have not had the same experiences as them and honestly it stirred up some feelings in me I've never experienced before. I thought long and hard about my life. That was good. Because I realized that though different than theirs, my life is mine and it's pretty awesome. By the way, I'm in Kauai right now...I'm on vacation. Tomorrow though I have to go home to Maui...bummer.

p.s. any gorgeous hotties out there that think I'm sexy and interesting, please fill out my girlfriend application and add me as a friend on facebook! thank you.


Some photogenic evidence. aka good times...

Aloha, Aloha.

I'm heading back to Maui today. Goodbye everyone in Utah, everyone in Maui I'll see you tomorrow!

Maui: Episodes 11-12

It's long overdue but here is the next installment of my series of Maui slideshows. Number 11 features my Dad and Brother who came out for a couple of weeks. Between the three of us we took a lot of pictures so there will be several episodes of this two week period. Enjoy!

Episode 11



Episode 12

Girlfriend Application/Test.

Section 1: General info.
Are you a skier?
(To be qualified as a skier you must possess ski equipment, consider skiing a favorite activity, and ski frequently. Snowboarders may be considered)

Does your father have lots and lots of money and buy you everything you want?
(if answer is yes, don't bother continuing)

Do YOU think that you are pretty?

Have you lived out of your parents' house for at least 5 years?

Do you believe in fidelity?

For a successful relationship, are you willing to make an effort, or is that just my job?

Rate each of the following by how important they are to you by circling the number.
1 being super-duper very important, and 5 being completely unimportant.

1 2 3 4 5 My looks
1 2 3 4 5 My personality
1 2 3 4 5 The general state of my feet (smell, appearance, grooming)
1 2 3 4 5 My career
1 2 3 4 5 How often I appeared in my high school yearbook
1 2 3 4 5 How I honor my priesthood
1 2 3 4 5 My social status
1 2 3 4 5 My sense of adventure
1 2 3 4 5 My spirituality
1 2 3 4 5 How straight and white my teeth are
1 2 3 4 5 My sense of humor
1 2 3 4 5 My relationship with my family
1 2 3 4 5 The size of diamond I give you on engagement ring
1 2 3 4 5 How much I can bench press
1 2 3 4 5 How I look in a speedo while riding a white horse on a sunset beach
1 2 3 4 5 The way I treat you
1 2 3 4 5 The way I treat everyone else
1 2 3 4 5 My political opinions (or lack thereof)
1 2 3 4 5 What your family thinks of me
1 2 3 4 5 My cooking skills
1 2 3 4 5 How hairy my back is
1 2 3 4 5 How much hair is still on my head
1 2 3 4 5 My taste in music
1 2 3 4 5 How well we get along together
1 2 3 4 5 Having common interests
1 2 3 4 5 Sharing our uncommon interests
1 2 3 4 5 The mistakes I've made in the past
1 2 3 4 5 My breath in the morning
1 2 3 4 5 My honesty and loyalty
1 2 3 4 5 My skiing skills
1 2 3 4 5 My personal hygiene
1 2 3 4 5 My handyman skills
1 2 3 4 5 The compatibility of our astrological signs


Section 2: Multiple Choice

1. I unknowingly say or do something that really upsets you. Do you:
A. Be mean to me until I finally figure out what I did to deserve all the meanness. Because I should just know.
B. Pretend nothing is wrong when you're with me but cry and be super sad whenever you're alone.
C. Cry and be mean all the time but tell me nothing is wrong when I ask you what is bothering you.
D. Tell me immediately that you don't like what I did/said and help me understand your point of view so I can do what I need to to make it up and/or work it out.

2. For our weekly date night it is your turn to choose what to do. Choose one of the following:A. Stay in and watch some movie about your sister's pants and traveling, put make up on me because you are jealous of my long eyelashes, and gorge on ice cream because your mad because YOU thought that the other girl at the gym today looked better than you in the same new workout pants you bought yesterday.
B. Go to the Real or Jazz game, get on the jumbotron for dancing like idiots. Then see how many dollar menus we can order from in 20 minutes. Then take all our dollar menu items to homeless people around town. Race electric carts around the grocery store and pretend to get in a big fight about who has the fattest ankles when an employee tries to make us stop. Then go shoot the tube in the dark. Then go home and grill up some steaks. None of this was planned of course.
C. Go to Chili's and a movie.
D. Other. (Please Specify)

3. What is the most important to you?A. The clothes I wear when we are in public.
B. My career choice and how much money I am earning or will potentially earn.
C. The way I treat you and how I make you feel.
D. What others think about you because you are dating me.

4. It has been a couple of days since we have seen each other. When you first see me do you:
A. Scream and giggle, run up to me and jump into my arms wrapping your legs around me because you are just so darn excited to see me.
B. Give me a hug and tell me I really need to get a haircut.
C. Get mad at me for not warning you that I would see you so you could do your hair and put on make up first.
D. Say hello but generally ignore me because someone at work made you mad today.


5. Which of the following TV shows would you prefer to watch:
A. Jersey Shore
B. Man vs. Wild
C. American Idol
D. America's Next Top Model

6. We have a free weekend and want to do something fun. What do you want to do?
A. Drive to San Diego to surf.
B. Go to Moab to Mt. bike, river raft, and hike.
C. Go backpacking
D. None of the above.
E. Any of the above.

7. My guy friends are over, what do you do?
A. Leave because it smells like boy.
B. Join in the friendly banter, pick up a controller, and try to get to know my friends better.
C. Sit ornery in the corner because I'm not giving you enough attention.
D. Go into the kitchen and bake cookies because that's the only thing you can think of to make my friends like you.

8. I am playing in an athletic event, what are you doing?
A. Cheering for me from the stands, you never miss a game.
B. Playing on my team with me.
C. Hanging out with your friends, but you'll care about how the game went when you see me.
D. Any of the above. But you hope that it is B.

9. You have something very important to tell me. How do you do it?
A. Send me a text message.
B. Send me a facebook message.
C. Call me.
D. Call me to tell me you want to come over, (or me to go over there) so we can talk in person.

10. On our first date do you:
A. Send me a text message a few hours before I pick you up to tell me you can't come anymore.
B. Mentally go through your predetermined checklist of what a perfect man should be, and decide before the end of the night if I qualify or not. Because after all, a few hours is all you need to determine my worth as a human being and as a potential match for you. You're perfect so I should be too.
C. Try to be yourself and just have as much fun as you can, trying to get to know me without judging me or worrying what I am thinking about you, because you can tell I'm doing the same.
D. Suddenly get ill and ask me to take you home because my car isn't nice enough, the restaurant wasn't fancy enough, and my nose is too big.

11. You are feeling very bad about something, what do you want/expect me to do?
A. Tell you that you are being stupid for being upset about something so meaningless.
B. Patiently listen to you explain your feelings about the issue, help you feel validated in your feelings, and accept how you feel while only offering my opinion on the subject if you ask for it.
C. Tell you exactly what I think you should do to fix the problem.
D. Call up your mom, sister, or best friend and tell them to talk to you. I don't have a clue what craziness is going on inside your estrogen filled head.

12. We are at the lake, pool, or beach for the first time this summer, do you:
A. Refuse to put on a swim suit because you haven't lost your winter fat yet
B. Only get in knee deep because you already did your hair today and don't want to mess it up.
C. Lay on the ground the whole time and work on your tan.
D. Swim, jump, frolic, play, wake, surf, dive, throw, giggle, splash, ride, and just have a great time playing!

13. What is the best way for us to solve a dispute or deal with a disagreement.
A. Ignore the issue and quietly get more mad at each other while pretending everything is ok.
B. Yell and scream at each other until someone wins.
C. Patiently and caringly talk about the issue and both try to understand each others side. Listen to each other without interrupting. Then discuss options that will involve meeting in the middle, and both giving a little until we have come up with a solution together. Be honest and respectful.
D. Be too prideful, break up because we are just too different, then spend months and months wishing we weren't so stupid and that we would have just talked it out, but still be to proud to apologize.

14. Choose the answer that best finishes this sentence: "I like to be physically active because..."
A. My friend told me it is a healthier way than purging to make boys think I look good.
B. It is fun for me, it makes me feel good, and it helps me be healthy. I do it for me.
C. I am not physically active, I'd rather watch Glee and chat on facebook.
D. I want other people to see how good I look so they will like me.

15. Choose the answer that best describes you.
A. I am a happy cheerful girl, I love life. I love to have fun and be silly but I also work hard on the things that are important to me. I have high standards. I love my God and my family and friends. I believe in myself and I expect to be treated with respect. I have goals and ambitions. I like to look pretty and dress up but I also don't mind getting dirty. I understand I'm not perfect and don't expect others to be, as long as we are trying our best. I know life can be difficult but I relish opportunities to learn and grow from those hardships.
B. I wish I was prettier. I wish I was skinnier. I wish I had blond hair. I wish I had 10 toes.
C. I am perfect in every way and only other perfect people deserve to be around me. I don't have to work hard at everything, those that are below me should have to do it all. Everyone loves me because I am pretty and I have expensive things. The world revolves around me.
D. I pretend to be nice and sweet, but after you get to know me you'll see that I am just mean.


Section 3: Definitions (match the word/phrase with it's definition)

1. winter
2. sports
3. reality TV
4. camping
5. church
6. family
7. shopping
8. cuddling

a. The most important people on the earth to you.
b. A fun thing to participate in and sometimes watch but not something to ever take so seriously that it is all you think about.
c. An awesome, fun thing to do while watching movies, riding ski lifts, in a backseat, etc. But always done with respect and kept virtuous.
d. A fun activity to get away from the world, enjoy nature and good company, eat some great dutch oven, and relax.
e. Something you do every Sunday, but also a way of life that guides you to making wise decisions, comforts you, gives you morale guidelines, gives you hope and makes you happy.
f. Something that is often necessary, but that is often fun to do as long as it isn't excessive, too expensive and is done in moderation.
g. SKI SEASON!
h. Stupid. But maybe once in awhile mildly entertaining.

Section 4: Short Essay

Describe in your own words the off-sides rule in soccer.

In the cartoon "Ducktales", what is Uncle Scrooge's favorite pastime?

Name at least 5 presidents of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Finish this sentence. "To me, facebook is..."

We have been dating for two months, but we have not really discussed exclusivity yet. Another boy asks you out on a date. What do you do?

One of my nieces/nephews just accidentally threw up on you. What do you do?

You are riding a mt. bike down a steep hill. Describe how you will use the left and right brake levers.

Describe how ridiculously good looking I am. What is your favorite part about me - My six pack abs, my bulging biceps, my ripped calves, my adorable belly button, or other (please specify with details)?

Why should you be my girlfriend?

Explain why a girlfriend application like this one, if I really thought was real and not just a silly joke, would be worthless and completely hypocritical of me.

PowPow.

This is the song that was playing when I skied this run and I just felt that I should make a little video. Cinematography is horrible but you get the idea, I did get the two trees I hit though! It was a pretty epic April Fools day. Mostly though, this is to make Reed mad, he was doing homework or something stupid like that. Haha Reed, you fool.