My life among the tourists...

Have you ever had a scattered brain? I have...

Gaining respect in Hawaii comes from how many tattoos you have, how successful you are at growing marijuana in a bucket in your backyard, and how you act in a lineup (surfing).
Getting respect in Utah comes from your job title and salary, where you went to college, for what degree and for how long, whether you served a mission, and your marital status (after age 25). I'm pretty low in both places, and I couldn't care less.
What's the deal with the "f" word? Seriously, just because I'm a dude that doesn't mean I want to here that word shoved between every syllable. I miss my friends that don't talk like that.
So I have a dream job in paradise...except for maintenance days. Along with trusty sidekick Tera (well, almost trusty, don't trust her with a wet vac), I pulled bilge tank duty the other day. A bilge tank is the lowest section of a vessel, it's filled with swash tanks, or tiny metal compartments filled with all sorts of crossbeams and other fun, sharp, metal objects. A bilge tank contains bilge water, for your convenience I looked up bilge on wikipedia, it says "Bilge water can be found aboard almost every vessel. Depending on the ship's design and function, bilge water may contain water, oil, urine, detergents, solvents, chemicals, pitch, particles, and so forth." So let that paint a picture for you, now in this painted masterpiece add about 110 degrees, poor circulation, and Dallon and Tera with a roll of paper towels, a wet vac, some degreaser, and a pressure washer. now stare at this painting for 6 hours! Oh but don't worry it didn't get boring at all! Tera managed to dump the wet vac onto her head, only to repeat this feet later. The second time though she was much wiser and instead of on her head she dumped it all out over the newly spit shined sections we had just cleaned! But I forgave her because getting the wet vac all wet gave me the shock of my life. Literally! I screamed like a little girl getting chased by a spider, falling into cold water, and seeing Zac Effron take his shirt off...all at once! But on the upside, I have a new funny tingling in my whole left arm. And at the end of the day, the Maui Princess has the cleanest bilge tank that NO ONE will ever see! Should have called Mike Rowe, good times, good times.
Working on a cocktail cruise:

• I've been told I have the greatest mother in the world because I don't drink or smoke. I agree.
• I'm been kissed while her husband took pictures.
• I've been invited "back to our room".
• I've made lots of new friends. None of which I will ever see again.
• I've learned how to mix all sorts of drinks that I'll never taste.
• I've fallen of the boat. I wasn't drinking.
• I've discovered dance moves I never knew I had. Who rocked the boat?!
• I've learned how vulnerable drunk people are.
• I've increased my appreciation for the fact that I don't drink. Thanks Mom.
• I've memorized all the lyrics to "September" by Earth, Wind and Fire. But who hasn't...
  

Cutting a two inch thick rope at 20 feet deep with a tiny pocket knife...not an easy task. But I've done it before. My bucket list just keeps getting shorter!
Watching shark week and working in the ocean everyday = awesome pranks on silly co-workers who are afraid of sharks! for example:

The other day there was a mass panic amongst the bobbing, snorkeling tourists when someone on the boat spotted something large in the water. Captain Dave ordered me to slay the man-eating beast and like a monkey on a banana tree I attacked with zeal! The water being my natural habitat I was able to catch the aquatic monster while whisking bikini clad touristas onto the boat with one hand and fend off the attacker with the other. The battle for strength, honor, and dominion of the sea was brief but fierce and alas, the hero, the knight, the warrior, the man...broke the surface a victor and claimed his oceanic throne! That slimy floating garbage bag didn't stand a chance! I ruled the day! At this very moment it sits in some landfill where it belongs, never to torment a hapless tourist again! Surprisingly though, everyone on the boat, after swimming for their lives, didn't find my flailing, kicking, and splashing about one bit humorous when they found out my opponent was just a trash bag. I however, had a great laugh...
My best friend and roommate Reed just left. This happened last year too. We come to Maui together, holding each others hand for comfort and support. Then he leaves me here all alone. Now I know how all his girlfriends feel... I had to move to a new house because the room we shared held too much memory and emotion for me to handle. So I live in a new place now, with a room all to myself...on the bright side, maybe I'll blog more.
Luckily, before Reed left we stowed away on a boat and went to Molokai. We found some 12 year old kid to be our tour guide (thanks Nathan) and explored the last Hawaiian island I hadn't been on. We tried to hike down to Kalaupapa, site of the Hansen's Disease (leprosy) colony. The colony is on a peninsula below the highest sea cliffs in the world. You would know them from Jurassic Park helicopter scenes. But bullocks...the colonists had recently revolted against the evil caretaker and in the battle somebody cut the elevator cable so there was no way down. I also heard something about a mudslide taking out a bridge, but whatever happened all I know is that we weren't able to make the hike. Bummer. I'll go back, sorry Reed. So instead we hiked to some other waterfalls and woke up a giant lizard. I also learned that my bare feet don't have as good traction as Reed's shoes. That hurt. But we slept on a beach, a three mile long beach (the longest in all of Hawaii) and had the whole thing to ourselves. Well, except for all the sand crabs that cozied up with us. It was pretty awesome. There are no people over there on that side of Molokai, just a ghost town and a dilapidated resort. So that morning when we still had the entire beach to ourselves, we did what any normal person would do, dropped our drawers and ran around and snorkeled the way man was meant to be! It was Reed's birthday after all, gotta wear the suit on your birthday! Beware of burning your buns if you choose to snorkel in the buff however...ouch! Molokai was cool.
We saw a shooting star that made us both think someone took a picture, it was just like a camera flash. Then a few nights later I saw one so close I could actually see it break into pieces and could see actual flames. Those were both awesome. Everything is awesome.
Once, it took me 15 minutes to find the mooring, I could touch the ocean floor before I could see it that day. THAT was a little disheartening, they never show the ocean like that on shark week.

Ahhhh, so much less scattered now. Mahalo!