F = MA

The Kaulana of Maui

So, although I am now famous Island wide as El Asesino de Plastico, yesterday I fought I battle that I lost miserably. It wasn't lack of strength, determination, or will that was my downfall, however, it was Newton's laws that did me in! On my boat the Kaulana of Maui (see above) we go to two snorkel spots everyday. The first is on the island of Lanai, the second is on Maui at a place called Mala. At Mala there is no bullet buoy on the mooring so I always have to jump off the boat and swim around to find it. Normally I sit on the bow and wait for the captain to get the boat as close as he can using the gps, he stops the boat, I jump in and he reverses until I signal that I have found the mooring. So yesterday I jumped off the bow of the boat after giving the captain the thumbs up and yelling "diver in!" so he knew I was going into the water. Everything normal. Now, keep in mind that The Kaulana is a 70 foot catamaran (it's not small). We had come to a complete stop making it safe for me to go, except the captain somehow seriously misunderstand my signals. Is soon as I hit the water he throttled up, I was already diving for the ocean floor and headed towards the starboard side where I knew the mooring to be. But alas, all those years of swim and polo practice were not enough (sorry for goofing off so much coach) as the two 1500 HP diesel engines quickly overtook me and WHAMO! The starboard keel nailed me in the back! A total blindside. I tumbled under the keel for a few seconds bouncing off the boat every few feet like a human bobber in a washing machine. About the same time I realized what in the world was happening, and after I had released my underwater cursing rant (I only curse under water, I promise) I realized what lies at the back of the boat, A large 3 foot diameter spinning prop of death! I probably wasn't nearly as close to the flesh eating blending machine as I thought, but that didn't matter! Human flesh + large metal prop = almost certain death...it's science. I was scared, and of course you all know that I don't get scared of anything! So I paddled my guts out and kicked my chicken legs like never before to get clear of the boat and finally popped up about mid ship, right under the captains pilot helm. "Hey! What are you doing under the boat?!" The captain yelled at me... Ugh, that was an annoying question from the man that just ran me over. I've got some gnarly bruises (I don't bruise easily) and bumps but I'm fine now. Lesson learned though, never go in until I'm SURE the captain is done moving the boat around! And the laws of inertia are very heavily favored against me... I think I'll start going into the water from the side of the boat from now on too...

The worst part, got lousy tips that day.